i was born.
a girl.
a daughter.
a granddaughter.
a niece.
a sister.
i started becoming.
a reader.
a rememberer.
an immigrant.
an advocate.
a friend.
some things you made me.
a sister-in-law.
an auntie-to-be.
a girlfriend.
a forgiver.
a better friend.
some things i made myself.
a researcher.
a writer.
a leader.
a follower.
my own friend.
some things i am still becoming.
a law student.
a cook and baker.
a discerner.
a jogger.
a listener.
some things i dream of yet becoming.
a defender.
a treeclimber.
a runner.
a mother.
a whole.
i am thirty.
and i'm becoming more.
Showing posts with label men/women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men/women. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
nsfw: thoughts on international women's day
disclaimer: this post is not safe for work. i think it deals with the subject matter in an adult fashion, but i'm giving you a heads-up anyway.
on the way home from dinner tonight, there was a drunk/crazy fellow on the bus who kept accusing the guy behind him of being a cocksucker. he said, "i've never sucked a cock. but people like you do."
a few years ago, i was having a conversation with a newly married friend whose views on sex seemed to imply that he equated penetration with domination. when i expressed it that way, he got thoughtful, and then agreed.
there is much, much more to be done when it comes to gender and sexual equality. there is much, much more to be done to combat anti-feminism, misogyny, homophobia, and heterosexism. and i think a big part of that has to do with intentionally turning our backs on a rich tradition of idealizing and honouring the penetrator while denigrating and even pitying the penetrated.
calling someone a cocksucker necessarily makes you both sexist and homophobic. but so does being offended when someone calls you one. at least a little bit. after all, there are only two things that label could possibly imply: woman or gay man. if being called either one makes you defensive or humiliates you - not just because it's factually untrue in your case, but because you equate an attack on your straight manhood with an attack on your value as a human being - then there's something wrong. let's try to fix it.
on the way home from dinner tonight, there was a drunk/crazy fellow on the bus who kept accusing the guy behind him of being a cocksucker. he said, "i've never sucked a cock. but people like you do."
a few years ago, i was having a conversation with a newly married friend whose views on sex seemed to imply that he equated penetration with domination. when i expressed it that way, he got thoughtful, and then agreed.
there is much, much more to be done when it comes to gender and sexual equality. there is much, much more to be done to combat anti-feminism, misogyny, homophobia, and heterosexism. and i think a big part of that has to do with intentionally turning our backs on a rich tradition of idealizing and honouring the penetrator while denigrating and even pitying the penetrated.
calling someone a cocksucker necessarily makes you both sexist and homophobic. but so does being offended when someone calls you one. at least a little bit. after all, there are only two things that label could possibly imply: woman or gay man. if being called either one makes you defensive or humiliates you - not just because it's factually untrue in your case, but because you equate an attack on your straight manhood with an attack on your value as a human being - then there's something wrong. let's try to fix it.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
what is this?
being a feminist doesn't mean you're always a nice person, just like being a skeptic doesn't mean you're always rational.
it's funny, though. i'll give it that.
Monday, December 13, 2010
the choosy warrior
i recently abandoned an on-line forum that i'd been a part of, on-and-off, for about four years. it wasn't easy to walk away, but it's been a long time coming, mostly because the atmosphere was very divisive and toxic. the political landscape in the united states is such that some americans seem to be willing to consider any tactic that might undermine their opponents. they're also quite reluctant to concede any ground to said opponents.
that's not the kind of "discussion" i'm interested in. i'm also not into being bulldozed over and interrupted whenever i try to make a point. and, finally, i've been tapping into some newfound maturity on the matter: recognizing that in some cases my contribution is either redundant or unlikely to be fruitful... and then choosing not to make that contribution.
i've also become more aware that, when it comes to real debate, i'm often most critical of people with whom i generally agree, but who are making particularly awful arguments at the moment. this is because i think they're making my fight harder by misrepresenting me and my cause. when a feminist is anti-science or a skeptic offers a facile critique of religion or a liberal calls conservatives "the reich wing," i want to puke and rebuke. i hate misogyny and blind religion and conservative rhetoric, but it doesn't burn the way bad feminism or bad skepticism or bad liberalism can.
anyway, all that to say, i'm working on being better at picking my battles. as always, thanks for listening.
p.s. here's a snippet from a recent discussion about progressive enlightenment: if a misogynistic, racist, homophobic, classist idiot stops being classist, that's a step in the right direction.
that's not the kind of "discussion" i'm interested in. i'm also not into being bulldozed over and interrupted whenever i try to make a point. and, finally, i've been tapping into some newfound maturity on the matter: recognizing that in some cases my contribution is either redundant or unlikely to be fruitful... and then choosing not to make that contribution.
i've also become more aware that, when it comes to real debate, i'm often most critical of people with whom i generally agree, but who are making particularly awful arguments at the moment. this is because i think they're making my fight harder by misrepresenting me and my cause. when a feminist is anti-science or a skeptic offers a facile critique of religion or a liberal calls conservatives "the reich wing," i want to puke and rebuke. i hate misogyny and blind religion and conservative rhetoric, but it doesn't burn the way bad feminism or bad skepticism or bad liberalism can.
anyway, all that to say, i'm working on being better at picking my battles. as always, thanks for listening.
p.s. here's a snippet from a recent discussion about progressive enlightenment: if a misogynistic, racist, homophobic, classist idiot stops being classist, that's a step in the right direction.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
education causes cancer, but only in women
tonight i attended greg mortenson's lecture at the the toronto reference library. for an hour or so, he talked about how he started his pennies for peace initiative, which builds schools in afghanistan and pakistan. (here's an article about his ongoing work!) he emphasized the impact educating children can have on a community, and came back again and again to the importance of giving girls in particular access to schooling.
this wasn't brand new to me. campaigns like because i am a girl also make the argument that "when you educate a boy, you educate an individual; when you educate a girl, you educate a community" (african proverb cited by mortenson tonight).
in the part of the world in which mortenson is investing, this plays out in at least one amazing way: educated women are less likely to grant their sons permission to join tribal gangs or terrorist cells. because their culture is built around the importance of a mother's blessing, educating girls will have a marked impact on the recruitment of young men into such enterprises. yay!
but here's what really grabbed me by the (proverbial) collar and shook me: mortenson said that the education of girls in bangladesh coincided with a drop from 8 births per woman to 2.8 births per woman, over her lifetime. actually, he claimed that it caused the drop.
again, this wasn't earth-shattering by itself. there are a couple of options here: either this education includes some information about birth control, or educated women get married later (if at all) and pursue careers alongside child-rearing, or a (liberalized) community that values the education of girls doesn't tend to treat women like baby-makers... or (my guess) some combination thereof. education and industrialization/ urbanization go hand in hand and i suspect that the latter always lead to smaller families.
the thing is... cancer. i've been reading malcolm gladwell's what the dog saw, which is a collection of his best essays (according to him) from the new yorker. between insights into the clairol/l'oreal hair-dye market and an investigation into dog whispering (the title of the book came from the latter) is john rock's error,which describes the limitations of the birth control pill, the impact of modern medicine and lifestyles on female physiology, and the danger of too many periods.
yes, dangers. see, because today's woman starts menstruating earlier than ever before and spends fewer years of their lives pregnant or breastfeeding than ever before, she ends up ovulating many, many more times than her ancestors did. like 400 times, compared to 100. one result seems to be an increased risk of ovarian cancer, endometriosis, endometrial cancer, and other "below the belt" diseases.
simply put, both ovulation and the preparation of the uterus for pregnancy are processes which involve cell division. the more division, the higher the statistical probability of something going wrong... and cell division gone wrong is a loose definition of cancer. studies suggest that each full-term pregnancy reduces a woman's chance of ovarian cancer by 10%. when taken over a long period of time, birth control pills also go a long way to protecting against some of the perils of modern life.*
there's a lot behind this argument, and i encourage you to read gladwell's piece on this, if you have a chance. (the whole thing is available at the link above!) but the bottom line is this: a society in which women are educated is one in which they tend to menstruate much more often... and in which they will therefore be at far greater risk of developing cancer.
all things being the same, that average bangladeshi woman was about 41% less likely to develop ovarian cancer when she was having eight kids.
so this is the inconvenient truth: our biology is not only confused, but also endangered, by our self-made destiny.
* because the birth control pill suppresses ovulation but still leads to a period, the risk of endometrial cancer is not much diminished. read gladwell's fascinating piece to find out why the stupid 28-day cycle was maintained by the co-inventor of the pill, john rock.
this wasn't brand new to me. campaigns like because i am a girl also make the argument that "when you educate a boy, you educate an individual; when you educate a girl, you educate a community" (african proverb cited by mortenson tonight).
in the part of the world in which mortenson is investing, this plays out in at least one amazing way: educated women are less likely to grant their sons permission to join tribal gangs or terrorist cells. because their culture is built around the importance of a mother's blessing, educating girls will have a marked impact on the recruitment of young men into such enterprises. yay!
but here's what really grabbed me by the (proverbial) collar and shook me: mortenson said that the education of girls in bangladesh coincided with a drop from 8 births per woman to 2.8 births per woman, over her lifetime. actually, he claimed that it caused the drop.
again, this wasn't earth-shattering by itself. there are a couple of options here: either this education includes some information about birth control, or educated women get married later (if at all) and pursue careers alongside child-rearing, or a (liberalized) community that values the education of girls doesn't tend to treat women like baby-makers... or (my guess) some combination thereof. education and industrialization/ urbanization go hand in hand and i suspect that the latter always lead to smaller families.
the thing is... cancer. i've been reading malcolm gladwell's what the dog saw, which is a collection of his best essays (according to him) from the new yorker. between insights into the clairol/l'oreal hair-dye market and an investigation into dog whispering (the title of the book came from the latter) is john rock's error,which describes the limitations of the birth control pill, the impact of modern medicine and lifestyles on female physiology, and the danger of too many periods.
yes, dangers. see, because today's woman starts menstruating earlier than ever before and spends fewer years of their lives pregnant or breastfeeding than ever before, she ends up ovulating many, many more times than her ancestors did. like 400 times, compared to 100. one result seems to be an increased risk of ovarian cancer, endometriosis, endometrial cancer, and other "below the belt" diseases.
there's a lot behind this argument, and i encourage you to read gladwell's piece on this, if you have a chance. (the whole thing is available at the link above!) but the bottom line is this: a society in which women are educated is one in which they tend to menstruate much more often... and in which they will therefore be at far greater risk of developing cancer.
all things being the same, that average bangladeshi woman was about 41% less likely to develop ovarian cancer when she was having eight kids.
so this is the inconvenient truth: our biology is not only confused, but also endangered, by our self-made destiny.
* because the birth control pill suppresses ovulation but still leads to a period, the risk of endometrial cancer is not much diminished. read gladwell's fascinating piece to find out why the stupid 28-day cycle was maintained by the co-inventor of the pill, john rock.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
s is for saucy
the last while has been a whirlwind!between all the busyness of papers and presentations, weird nightmares, mini-conferences that involved travel (cambridge and ottawa), awkward dates, the death of a family friend, corina's bridal shower, commuting to do laundry, going into toronto to shop for the wedding, day and night shifts at work, looong (but often wonderful) meetings, living out of suitcase for a bit, and the typical barriers to real grocery runs, circumstances have not been ideal for cooking from scratch. in fact, apart from the snacks at that shower, i don't think i've prepared anything in about a month!
little did i know what i was missing out on...
i could have been feeding saucy onion rings to cute boys by now?! i seriously need to re-evaluate my priorities!
p.s. no preservatives? soooo hot!
Monday, March 02, 2009
q is for quitting time...
... i.e. right now.
one time my mom, sister, and i were "talking about boys." when my dad came into the room and wanted to watch a movie, my mom stopped him: "we're talking about boys. do you have anything to contribute?"
"all they want is sex. turn the tv back on."
some people think that because i can sniff a typo a mile away and i'm a(n incompetent) perfectionist that i must be pretty negative. but the truth is, i'm an eternal optimist. i really want to believe the best about people... and i hope hope hope until it hurts.
newsflash: it hurts. and i kinda think i'm done hoping that my dad was wrong.
i once told someone i loved that when i looked at him, i didn't see an acorn - i saw an oak tree. he told me that he didn't know anything about how to grow into an oak tree. i told him the acorn doesn't know, either. but a few months later, after we had misunderstood and hurt each other countless more times, i realized i was tired of getting pummelled with acorns.
all relationships are based on imagination: imagining that i can be more generous, imagining that you can be more thoughtful, imagining that sharing a life with someone is even possible.
but what happens when your heart runs out of creativity? what happens when it's too tired to dream anymore? what happens when "love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres; love never fails." (1 cor. 13:7) sounds like a big lie?
i give up.
one time my mom, sister, and i were "talking about boys." when my dad came into the room and wanted to watch a movie, my mom stopped him: "we're talking about boys. do you have anything to contribute?"
"all they want is sex. turn the tv back on."
some people think that because i can sniff a typo a mile away and i'm a(n incompetent) perfectionist that i must be pretty negative. but the truth is, i'm an eternal optimist. i really want to believe the best about people... and i hope hope hope until it hurts.
newsflash: it hurts. and i kinda think i'm done hoping that my dad was wrong.
i once told someone i loved that when i looked at him, i didn't see an acorn - i saw an oak tree. he told me that he didn't know anything about how to grow into an oak tree. i told him the acorn doesn't know, either. but a few months later, after we had misunderstood and hurt each other countless more times, i realized i was tired of getting pummelled with acorns.
all relationships are based on imagination: imagining that i can be more generous, imagining that you can be more thoughtful, imagining that sharing a life with someone is even possible.
but what happens when your heart runs out of creativity? what happens when it's too tired to dream anymore? what happens when "love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres; love never fails." (1 cor. 13:7) sounds like a big lie?
i give up.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
m is for mandolins and memories
this song has defined so many moments in my life... listening to it feels like a solid, all-enveloping hug from a faithful friend. i remember that chris hated it and ross and i bonded over it and that adam duritz rocks my world. you know, when he's not busy killing me softly with his song.
when kindness falls like rain...
(start at the one minute mark)
when kindness falls like rain...
(start at the one minute mark)
Thursday, February 05, 2009
h is for hohote
i actually had to leave class today. în hohote. i'm just heartbroken. i sat in the bathroom stall, sobbing, for 20 minutes before returning to gather up my stuff.
it stings and burns and aches.
i just don't understand.
and i don't know why it's taken me so long to really feel it.
will we ever heal from this and that? and from whatever it is that all of it comes from?
it stings and burns and aches.
i just don't understand.
and i don't know why it's taken me so long to really feel it.
will we ever heal from this and that? and from whatever it is that all of it comes from?
g is (taken) for granted
following my recent laptop catastrophe/calamity/tragedy, gepetto and i held hands and proceded through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) with grace and humour. it's been a difficult process, but we've leaned on each other and have great hope that the healing will continue.
but scars will remain, and one of the most marked is the now defunct letter g. consider: it's right there, in the middle of keyboard, begging to be used! and so very many participles rely on it! i can't even call gepetto's name without it!
the irony is that i have been teased for my pronunication of (hard) g's on more than one occasion, and since this catastrophic and calamitous tragedy, my class notes and emails have resembled a southern hymnbook.
so, in memory of my recent loss, i offer a brief (and by no means comprehensive) list of other things i take for granted, in the hopes that by naming them now they won't decide to crap out on me in the spirit of that immortal principle: "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."
- big yellow taxis
- the letter x, the key for which is also not working
- the shift+f7 (the thesaurus function) which has helped me avoid that letter while enhancing my vocabulary
- platelets and white blood cells. (all blood cells, really, but those white ones have been doing a bang-up job lately!) i'm a klutz of sorts, and have really put these little guys to work over the years: overtime, called back from holidays, you name it.
- music
- forgiveness. a handful of people in my life have been very, very kind to me, tolerating more than they should have, because they had hope for me. and loved me. and were capable of giving, even in their hurt.
- equality. i've never actually felt discriminated against for being a woman or an immigrant... and i'm realizing the degree to which my experience is a function of the particular time and place in which i live. it's quite crazy. and humbling.
- time
- colours. especially blue, green, and persimmon. and purple. they feel like beauty to me.
- money. it's always come, somehow or other.
- literacy
- bobby pins. i rarely reuse one, because i'm quite careless about putting them away when i take them out... also, i destroy them. it's a nervous habit.
- today
but scars will remain, and one of the most marked is the now defunct letter g. consider: it's right there, in the middle of keyboard, begging to be used! and so very many participles rely on it! i can't even call gepetto's name without it!
the irony is that i have been teased for my pronunication of (hard) g's on more than one occasion, and since this catastrophic and calamitous tragedy, my class notes and emails have resembled a southern hymnbook.
so, in memory of my recent loss, i offer a brief (and by no means comprehensive) list of other things i take for granted, in the hopes that by naming them now they won't decide to crap out on me in the spirit of that immortal principle: "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."
- big yellow taxis
- the letter x, the key for which is also not working
- the shift+f7 (the thesaurus function) which has helped me avoid that letter while enhancing my vocabulary
- platelets and white blood cells. (all blood cells, really, but those white ones have been doing a bang-up job lately!) i'm a klutz of sorts, and have really put these little guys to work over the years: overtime, called back from holidays, you name it.
- music
- forgiveness. a handful of people in my life have been very, very kind to me, tolerating more than they should have, because they had hope for me. and loved me. and were capable of giving, even in their hurt.
- equality. i've never actually felt discriminated against for being a woman or an immigrant... and i'm realizing the degree to which my experience is a function of the particular time and place in which i live. it's quite crazy. and humbling.
- time
- colours. especially blue, green, and persimmon. and purple. they feel like beauty to me.
- money. it's always come, somehow or other.
- literacy
- bobby pins. i rarely reuse one, because i'm quite careless about putting them away when i take them out... also, i destroy them. it's a nervous habit.
- today
Monday, January 19, 2009
cinq
five little updates:
1) the only laptop keys that still won't work are x, g, and one of my shift keys, with v bein' occasionally stubborn. gonna give it a week before decidin' what to do. a whole lot of my verbs are now soundin' southern. :)
2) reelin' from thinkin' way too much about gender politics. this semester is gonna hurt.
3) went to wendy's for lunch with my two department colleagues... so now i miss the quartet so very much. the theology girls, too, but i miss the guys more acutely because jamie and nathan are both (gentle?)men.
4) something, whatever, let's move on to #5 because...
5) cori and james set a date! feel free to send them a wedding pi(e)! :D
to celebrate, i'm off to reheat sarmale and read more about women in the early church...
1) the only laptop keys that still won't work are x, g, and one of my shift keys, with v bein' occasionally stubborn. gonna give it a week before decidin' what to do. a whole lot of my verbs are now soundin' southern. :)
2) reelin' from thinkin' way too much about gender politics. this semester is gonna hurt.
3) went to wendy's for lunch with my two department colleagues... so now i miss the quartet so very much. the theology girls, too, but i miss the guys more acutely because jamie and nathan are both (gentle?)men.
4) something, whatever, let's move on to #5 because...
5) cori and james set a date! feel free to send them a wedding pi(e)! :D
to celebrate, i'm off to reheat sarmale and read more about women in the early church...
Friday, July 25, 2008
no play-by-play
but here are some highlights from my recent trip to italy and romania:
- spent three five-hour chunks walking around rome
- lived with a l'arche community in nearby ciampino: ate, danced, and played
- sampled good eats (see this album)
- finished reading "how proust can change your life"
- pondered religious art, tourism, beauty, and democracy
- thought a lot about expectations and disappointment, particularly with reference to caravaggio
- stood in the same room as a two works by caravaggio and didn't pass out
- reignited friendships with jann arden, miranda stone, and great big sea... all canadian artists!
- was so very grateful i'd taken french in school
- discussed mysticism on the spanish steps (and made a guy nearly swoon by vaguely knowing who urs von balthazar is... thanks, steve!)
- tried buffallo mozzarella which - it had never occurred to me before! - comes from buffallo milk
- benefitted from the kindness of strangers on countless occasions
- discovered just how lacy the italian coast is - it's a mess of curves!
- got sunburned
- got caked with sea salt, straight out of the sea
- pilgrimaged back to bucharest
- reunited with old friends
- danced with dad... and contemplated dance lessons
- laughed so, so, so much
- renewed my appreciation for a room with four walls and a door!
- started reading just war theory stuff
- travelled by plane, train, metro, busses of different lengths and heights, cars and vans, motor boat, skybridge, funicular, teleferique, airport shuttle, teeny elevator, and foot... sadly, no scooters this time
- can't wait to go back
see also this, this, this, and that.
travelling tips:
- have a plan
- be ready to abandon it
- consider wearing a wedding ring
- don't try too hard to understand popular tourism... it makes no sense.
- cobblestone is slippery when wet
- talk to strangers
- watch out for little dogs or you might kick them by mistake
- don't let cab drivers treat you like crap
- take the time to sit and listen
- sunrise/sunset are wonderful times of day. make a point of noticing.
- having a dog escort home at midnight is more amusing than confidence-inspiring, but it's still way better than nothing
- know enough of the language to be able to tell people you can't speak it
- spend more time experiencing than you do recording experiences
- spent three five-hour chunks walking around rome
- lived with a l'arche community in nearby ciampino: ate, danced, and played
- sampled good eats (see this album)
- finished reading "how proust can change your life"
- pondered religious art, tourism, beauty, and democracy
- thought a lot about expectations and disappointment, particularly with reference to caravaggio
- stood in the same room as a two works by caravaggio and didn't pass out
- reignited friendships with jann arden, miranda stone, and great big sea... all canadian artists!
- was so very grateful i'd taken french in school
- discussed mysticism on the spanish steps (and made a guy nearly swoon by vaguely knowing who urs von balthazar is... thanks, steve!)
- tried buffallo mozzarella which - it had never occurred to me before! - comes from buffallo milk
- benefitted from the kindness of strangers on countless occasions
- discovered just how lacy the italian coast is - it's a mess of curves!
- got sunburned
- got caked with sea salt, straight out of the sea
- pilgrimaged back to bucharest
- reunited with old friends
- danced with dad... and contemplated dance lessons
- laughed so, so, so much
- renewed my appreciation for a room with four walls and a door!
- started reading just war theory stuff
- travelled by plane, train, metro, busses of different lengths and heights, cars and vans, motor boat, skybridge, funicular, teleferique, airport shuttle, teeny elevator, and foot... sadly, no scooters this time
- can't wait to go back
see also this, this, this, and that.
travelling tips:
- have a plan
- be ready to abandon it
- consider wearing a wedding ring
- don't try too hard to understand popular tourism... it makes no sense.
- cobblestone is slippery when wet
- talk to strangers
- watch out for little dogs or you might kick them by mistake
- don't let cab drivers treat you like crap
- take the time to sit and listen
- sunrise/sunset are wonderful times of day. make a point of noticing.
- having a dog escort home at midnight is more amusing than confidence-inspiring, but it's still way better than nothing
- know enough of the language to be able to tell people you can't speak it
- spend more time experiencing than you do recording experiences
Monday, May 26, 2008
an open letter
dear men in my life,
i don't even know how to begin. it seems like the last few years have afforded me countless opportunities to witness crimes against the very soul of masculinity. and i want to say something to you, because i have heard stories, i have read theory, and i'm devastated.
we live in a world that tells men they have to conquer, even to kill, in order to prove their worth. sometimes it's figurative, but it's always insidious. we live in a world where being a man means valuing ideas over people, control over compassion, and power above all. as far as engaging the world, a perverse hybrid of hedonism and stoicism is the way to go. oh, and women are meant to be used. and it's not just soldiers who hear this... it's kind of all of us.
there are brands of feminism that are trying to sell the same package to women, because equality means being equally powerful. because power is the only currency we deal in.
i'm profoundly shaken.
and i wanted to say... look, i'm not blind to the real battles we all face, as individuals and corporately. i'm just questioning our strategy, which seems to be self-destruction. and i want you to know that what i value so very much about you is not your domination of others, but your self-giving love for those around you. and when you use whatever power you've stumbled upon to raise up the poor, the weak, and the broken, you inspire me to hope.
and hope seems to be what we need right now.
p.s. craig, you told me first. i can never thank you enough.
i don't even know how to begin. it seems like the last few years have afforded me countless opportunities to witness crimes against the very soul of masculinity. and i want to say something to you, because i have heard stories, i have read theory, and i'm devastated.
we live in a world that tells men they have to conquer, even to kill, in order to prove their worth. sometimes it's figurative, but it's always insidious. we live in a world where being a man means valuing ideas over people, control over compassion, and power above all. as far as engaging the world, a perverse hybrid of hedonism and stoicism is the way to go. oh, and women are meant to be used. and it's not just soldiers who hear this... it's kind of all of us.
there are brands of feminism that are trying to sell the same package to women, because equality means being equally powerful. because power is the only currency we deal in.
i'm profoundly shaken.
and i wanted to say... look, i'm not blind to the real battles we all face, as individuals and corporately. i'm just questioning our strategy, which seems to be self-destruction. and i want you to know that what i value so very much about you is not your domination of others, but your self-giving love for those around you. and when you use whatever power you've stumbled upon to raise up the poor, the weak, and the broken, you inspire me to hope.
and hope seems to be what we need right now.
p.s. craig, you told me first. i can never thank you enough.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
responding to linda hirshman
ahem-hem.
this from amazon.com's write-up of linda hirshman's "get to work: a manifesto for women of the world."
A former attorney and professor of philosophy, Hirshman labeled child care as a low-status job and urged all women to rejoin the work force in her now infamous American Prospect article "Homeward Bound."
Now she's back, using statistical research and convincing anecdotal evidence to challenge the politically correct assertion-as well as the moral, value and economic judgements inherent therein-that children, and ultimately society, benefit when mom stays at home.
In her attempts to "restart the revolution," Hirshman spotlights the emptiness of "'choice feminism,' the shadowy remnant of the original women's movement," that puts the freedom to choose before progress or equality.
"Stay-at-home moms do not like to hear that the sacrifice of their education, talents and prospects to their spouses' aspirations and their children's needs was a mistake," writes Hirshman, "so they contend the stay-at-home decision cannot be judged." But by making that "stay-at-home decision," Hirshman contends, women are creating, collectively, their own glass ceiling, in the end harming society as a whole by keeping educated, affluent women hidden at home.
don't tell the kids, but we're wasting our time on them. thoughts?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
explicit
i really like the wording here:
"McMaster Divinity College supports women in training for any and all forms of Christian ministry as well as the subsequent ordination of women. It is expected that no member of the MDC community (students, staff, faculty) will detract from MDC’s support of women in ministry. A student’s acceptance of admission as a student at MDC is taken as a student’s agreement not to detract from MDC’s support of women in ministry."
"McMaster Divinity College supports women in training for any and all forms of Christian ministry as well as the subsequent ordination of women. It is expected that no member of the MDC community (students, staff, faculty) will detract from MDC’s support of women in ministry. A student’s acceptance of admission as a student at MDC is taken as a student’s agreement not to detract from MDC’s support of women in ministry."
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
men, etc.
are you a manly man? (listen to bradley's elaboration on what that might mean. it's funny. and good.)
my mom: the first two men were the wrong three men.
me: so, math is fun.
my mom: the first two men were the wrong three men.
me: so, math is fun.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
confessions [and some conclusions]
confession #1: when i'm walking down the street and i throw something into a garbage bin, i often pretend that i'm a spy somehow sending a secret message.
conclusion: i have watched way too many episodes of "alias."
confession #2: i often judge books by their covers, movies by the trailers before them, and people by the books on their shelves, cds in their stereo, and links on their blogs.
conclusion: i'm too lazy to experience things - i want to make up my mind as fast as possible.
confession #3: i really hate it when i get no comments on a post. a lot.
conclusion: i want to know that this isn't meaningless, and apparently meaning is contingent on external affirmation.
confession #4: seeing "the da vinci code" last night upset me more than i thought it would.
conclusion: lies infuriate me, particularly when most people won't take the trouble of finding out the truth.
confession #5: sometimes i think i could fall for a guy solely on the basis of his intelligent and witty contributions to classroom discussions. even if he sat rows and rows in front of me, and i never saw his face.
conclusion: maybe g.mango was right - maybe i would get married for the conversation.
conclusion: i have watched way too many episodes of "alias."
confession #2: i often judge books by their covers, movies by the trailers before them, and people by the books on their shelves, cds in their stereo, and links on their blogs.
conclusion: i'm too lazy to experience things - i want to make up my mind as fast as possible.
confession #3: i really hate it when i get no comments on a post. a lot.
conclusion: i want to know that this isn't meaningless, and apparently meaning is contingent on external affirmation.
confession #4: seeing "the da vinci code" last night upset me more than i thought it would.
conclusion: lies infuriate me, particularly when most people won't take the trouble of finding out the truth.
confession #5: sometimes i think i could fall for a guy solely on the basis of his intelligent and witty contributions to classroom discussions. even if he sat rows and rows in front of me, and i never saw his face.
conclusion: maybe g.mango was right - maybe i would get married for the conversation.
Friday, March 24, 2006
assorted loves
A. ROMANCE
as part of our continuing pursuit of the official title of most single people on the planet - a goal we take very seriously indeed, i assure you! - my dear friend skoch and i decided to come up with lists of "significant other non-negotiables", to narrow the field as we each search for our soulmates or whatever.
now, skoch's list ain't online yet - i'd be surprised if he's written one down, actually, given how busy he's been with . . . stuff. in any case, i have busily been composing my lists. why the use of the plural, you ask? well, you see, there are various categories of criteria, perhaps more depending on what sort of geek you are. i'm a geek of the highest order, but i still only managed to compose four separate lists. here, then, are two of them:
negotiable:
1) knows the names of all the members of the seaver family, including the foster son
2) can sing any of the four "solos" in the monstar theme song from "space jam"
3) is giddy about greek
4) has read something by victor hugo or jane austen, and doesn't mind talking about it
5) knows pi to seven digits
6) buys flowers for his mom for "no special reason"
7) comes up with a story/joke/question to liven things up when conversations die
8) makes good sand castles
9) knows what the "cone of silence" is
10) regularly quotes: a) invader zim b) st:tng c) "adventures in odyssey"
non-negotiable:
1) knows what captain jean-luc picard's favourite beverage is (swoon if he enjoys it himself)
2) owns the soundtracks to at least five movies
3) plays with numbers for fun (double swoon if he does is without even noticing)
4) knows what the integral of 2(pi)r is, and why it's relevant
5) can rhyme with delicacy and creativity
6) has read "le petit prince" and loved it
7) picks movies to watch based on cast/director/producer/writer, and not plot
8) owns a t-shirt that he "made" himself
9) knows the next three books he plans to read
10) regularly quotes: a) scripture - but only if it's done humorously b) himself c) me
B. FRIENDSHIP
speaking of skoch, back in the fall he started a "band" called "divided". obviously, it's stellar. so, please listen to his stuff. he and josiah are amazing . . . and half the res is involved in their back-up vocals and instrumentation. btw, "joy" is my favourite song. "just a friend" is also super, even though it's pretty much a cover . . . with some uber-interesting edits.
lest you think skoch is the only friend i have (:P) i should mention: lately, my friends have been simply awesome. deniss is one of them. he listens to me and takes me for walks when i'm crying. janet is another one. she tells me when i hurt her and helps me love her better. friends are great.
C. FAMILY
'nuff said.
as part of our continuing pursuit of the official title of most single people on the planet - a goal we take very seriously indeed, i assure you! - my dear friend skoch and i decided to come up with lists of "significant other non-negotiables", to narrow the field as we each search for our soulmates or whatever.
now, skoch's list ain't online yet - i'd be surprised if he's written one down, actually, given how busy he's been with . . . stuff. in any case, i have busily been composing my lists. why the use of the plural, you ask? well, you see, there are various categories of criteria, perhaps more depending on what sort of geek you are. i'm a geek of the highest order, but i still only managed to compose four separate lists. here, then, are two of them:
negotiable:
1) knows the names of all the members of the seaver family, including the foster son
2) can sing any of the four "solos" in the monstar theme song from "space jam"
3) is giddy about greek
4) has read something by victor hugo or jane austen, and doesn't mind talking about it
5) knows pi to seven digits
6) buys flowers for his mom for "no special reason"
7) comes up with a story/joke/question to liven things up when conversations die
8) makes good sand castles
9) knows what the "cone of silence" is
10) regularly quotes: a) invader zim b) st:tng c) "adventures in odyssey"
non-negotiable:
1) knows what captain jean-luc picard's favourite beverage is (swoon if he enjoys it himself)
2) owns the soundtracks to at least five movies
3) plays with numbers for fun (double swoon if he does is without even noticing)
4) knows what the integral of 2(pi)r is, and why it's relevant
5) can rhyme with delicacy and creativity
6) has read "le petit prince" and loved it
7) picks movies to watch based on cast/director/producer/writer, and not plot
8) owns a t-shirt that he "made" himself
9) knows the next three books he plans to read
10) regularly quotes: a) scripture - but only if it's done humorously b) himself c) me
B. FRIENDSHIP
speaking of skoch, back in the fall he started a "band" called "divided". obviously, it's stellar. so, please listen to his stuff. he and josiah are amazing . . . and half the res is involved in their back-up vocals and instrumentation. btw, "joy" is my favourite song. "just a friend" is also super, even though it's pretty much a cover . . . with some uber-interesting edits.
lest you think skoch is the only friend i have (:P) i should mention: lately, my friends have been simply awesome. deniss is one of them. he listens to me and takes me for walks when i'm crying. janet is another one. she tells me when i hurt her and helps me love her better. friends are great.
C. FAMILY
'nuff said.
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