ween "chocolate and cheese" cupcakes

UPDATE: voting is now open! please support me!

this month, the theme for the sweetest kitchen's mystery box cupcake challenge is "chocolate and..." the base has to be chocolate cake, but from there the sky's the limit!

ween is one of idris' favourite bands, and since they have an album called "chocolate and cheese," i couldn't resist paying tribute to them this month. (i know i've honoured him in cupcake form before, but he's my boyfriend and it's valentine's day and... shut up, i like him, ok?)

ahem.

so, manouri is a semi-soft sheep and goat cheese with a mild flavour and notes of citrus. i crumbled it as finely as i could before folding it into a basic chocolate cake batter. the cupcakes baked up so very moist, and delicious. the manouri taste was quite mild, though, so i knew i'd need to add more somehow.

that's why i whipped some cheese up with heavy cream, rolled it into a log, and froze it for a while. then i sliced it into rounds and balanced those on top of the milk chocolate frosting. then, because self-control is not my forte, i added another dollop of chocolate frosting.

while i'm a novice at piping chocolate, i managed to create two filigree replicas of the ween logo and tossed - ok, held my breath and gingerly placed - those on the cupcakes as well.

the result is a creamy, chocolaty, and... well, smiley.



when the time comes, if you like these cupcakes you should vote for them! the winner of february’s mystery box cupcake challenge will receive prizes from:

- Angela's Images; a selection of handmade crafts
- Bake It Pretty; a $5 electronic gift card
- Beanilla; 3 Indian, 3 Tahitian & 3 Tonga vanilla beans
- Hello Hanna; a pack of Sweet Stands cupcake stands
- Miss Kitty Creations; a handmade cupcake charm of your choice
- Simply Caked; 600 brown greaseproof cupcake liners
- Sweet Cuppin Cakes; a prize pack worth $25
- Tundra Books; a selection 3 very sweet children's books

thank you to all our prize sponsors!

"we will have these moments to remember..."

down by the bay...

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this is an entry into sweetest kitchen's december mystery box challenge!
please please please please please please please please vote for me!
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when this month's mystery box challenge came up - "a cupcake for someone special" - the first thought that popped into my head was "didn't i just do this last month?!" i quickly realized that there were plenty of lovely brunette, blonde, and black-haired people in my life, and that surely one of them could inspire a delectable dessert. in fact, one of my favourite people on the planet doesn't have a whole lot of red hair - just the occasional natural highlight. she has been my little sissy for twenty-eight years and three months, and, for the most part, we've both enjoyed that immensely.

within minutes a stroke of brilliance befell me!

or maybe i just read my sister's blog. in the canon of our family history, alongside "the ugly picture," stories of my breaking christmas ornaments, and our obnoxious habit of quoting "singin' in the rain" to one another, this photo of slightly/aubergine devouring watermelon and clinging to maimuța holds a very special place.

the only question left was "can i really make a watermelon cupcake?!" cupcakes are creamy, buttery packages of sweetness and comfort and warmth - even when served at room temp! how can a cupcake taste refreshing and juicy and, well, watermelony? the answer came with a jiggle: watermelon jell-o! i prepared the jell-o juice and used it in place of milk! the first batch came out tasting great, but lacking that cheerful and intense pink that we've all come to expect from watermelon. so in went some food colouring, and the second batch was perfect!

rather than icing, i mixed tinted whipped cream with watermelon jello-o juice for the frosting, and sprinkled on green decorative sugar to create watermelon stripes.

paired with a delicious watermelon and cucumber rum cocktail, this juicy cupcake injected sunshine into one of the longest days of the year!

dodi dodi, i love you and your watermelon munching face! say "hi" to maimuța for me!

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this is an entry into sweetest kitchen's december mystery box challenge!

please please please please please please please please vote for me!

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the winner of december’s mystery box cupcake challenge will receive prizes from:

• Bake It Pretty; a $5 electronic gift card
• Beanilla; Tahitian vanilla sugar & 3 Madagascar vanilla beans
• Hello Hanna; a pack of Sweet Stands cupcake stands
• Lisa Orgler; a handmade cupcake poster
• Miss Kitty Creations; a handmade cupcake charm of your choice
• Simply Caked; 600 brown greaseproof cupcake liners
• Sweet Cuppin Cakes; a prize pack worth $25
• Tundra Books; a selection 3 very sweet children's books

many thanks to all our lovely prize sponsors!

an ode to ginger(s)!

after watching with interest for quite some time, i've taken myself off the bench (and dared a few friends to join me) by participating in the sweetest kitchen's mystery box cupcake challenge! this month's featured ingredient is... ginger!


to be honest, i was very tempted to recreate my ginger-matcha sushi cake from birthday 2009. it was delicious, innovative, and fun to look at. besides, the wasabi icing blew my mind! but as i wandered around bulk barn, looking for cupcake-sized sushi ingredients, i was conscience-striken. the whole point of this was to try something new!


so i thought about ginger. and then i thought of gingers! having decided that my cupcakes would be an edible tribute to redheads both real and fictional, the perfect ingredient with which to pair the ginger instantly sprang to mind: carrots!

i scoured the underworld of the internets, bravely seeking a carrot-based cupcake that would defy expectations of carrot-cakey-ness! to no avail! in the end, i had to resort to adapting and tweaking to make these cupcakes masterpieces!

get these dry things:
- 2 cups all-purpose flour OR 2 1/4 cup cake flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp cinnamon
- 1 tsp crushed cloves (ask your mom to mortar & pestle these for you. she's prolly tops!)

get these wet things:
- 2 large eggs, room temperature
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 1/3 cups sugar
- 1 cup melted butter
- 1 large carrot, chopped, steamed, and then pureed with 1/4 cup buttermilk

la piece de resistance: ginger chunks in cane sugar syrup chopped up into minichunks!

do this:
- preheat oven to 350
- combine dry ingredients and whisk
- in another bowl, combine wet ingredients and whisk
- pour the wet combo into the dry combo (i'm still not sure why) and stir ten times
- toss in ginger chunks and stir a few more times
- fill cupcake liners 2/3 of the way up
- bake for 20-25 minutes, turning halfway through
- cool
- frost!
- decorate!!
- serve!!!

here i am with my favourite ginger:

and that was my tribute not only the delicious and versatile ingredient that is the ginger root, but also to the carrot-haired among us, from conan to ariel, from archie to anne of green gables, from my older sister to my younger brother-in-law, from pippi longstocking to my boyfriend.

if you like what you see, please vote for my entry in the sweetest kitchen's contest!
the winner of november’s mystery box cupcake challenge will receive prizes from:

• Bake It Pretty; a $5 electronic gift card
• Beanilla; Tahitian ground vanilla & 3 Mexican vanilla beans
• Hello Hanna; a pack of Sweet Stands cupcake stands
• Miss Kitty Creations; a handmade cupcake charm of your choice
• Simply Caked; 600 brown greaseproof cupcake liners
• Sweet Cuppin Cakes; a prize pack worth $25
• Tundra Books; a selection 3 very sweet children's books

merci beaucoup to all our prize sponsors!

1913 - 2010

i stopped checking messages because i didn't want to hear the news without my parents. i lay in bed last night, and i thought, "what if he's already gone?"

and, as it turned out, he was.

"ninety-seven is a ripe old age" but you always hope for more time, more opportunities to be together.

it's weird to hear other people talk about him, to read news coverage that describes him as a national figure, a party leader, a signatory on an important letter... he's just papaşa.

2421 sunrises and sunsets

welcome to my 500th post! this milestone will be commemorated with a nod to the main genres of blogpost we have seen here at "can you hear the sound of laughter..."

the mundane (yet somehow bizarre):
i was just stung by a bee in my basement. at just after midnight. while i was trying to iron my shirt. on my left ring toe. no - i wasn't trying to iron my shirt on my toe... that's just where the bee stung me. this probably means i'm in for a feverish dream.

the momentous:
today i graduate for the fourth time in my life, and officially add the letters "m.a." to the end of my name - instead of just the beginning. there's an awful lot of hard work buried in those two little letters! finishing things is so good!

the miraculous:
michelle and idris are joining my parents in the audience at the convocation ceremony, and all four of them are making significant sacrifices to be there. i am loved, and i know it.

the mmmm:
there will be caramel crunch cake and champagne when we come home tonight! yum and sigh.

the musing:
what's next?

:)

from way across the ocean, my little sissy asked me why i was smiling. in response, i offer this partial list of my reasons for glee:

- haircuts
- sushi
- defenses and convocations
- job postings and auditions
- pub trivia successes
- a mom who takes care of me when i sacrifice part of my finger to the mandolin* gods
- a boyfriend who listens and is teaching me when to stop talking
- friends who have big! changes! going on in their lives
- the impending return of little sissy and her husband!
- seeing nyc for the first time soon
- big sissy's wedding in june!
- cats
- diet coke
- phone calls with michelle
- apples and peanut butter
- a pink sweater
- dibs

oooh... dibs! see ya!

* the vegetable slicer, not the musical instrument

picture this

2009...

it was to be a year of weddings, renewed friendships, goodbyes, and hellos...

cori got married and we danced.

i finished my course work and carried an orange balloon.

i turned 28 and made an awesome cake.

i went to the bahamas and studied for the lsat.

i went to collingwood and played on the swings with nancy and pat.

i said goodbye to cori and made her a cake.

mon got married and we danced.

i got my lsat score and nearly wept with joy.

i went all out for hallowe'en but no one else did!

while on a research trip, i commemorated the 20th anniversary of the fall of the berlin wall.

i celebrated the holidays with more "family" than ever before - friends so close they're family, my little sister's in-laws, distant cousins in london, my little sister, her husband, and my parents. and i missed my older sister and her fiance.

there was a lot more in there... new ideas, new areas of research, major life decisions (like applying to law school), terrible disappointments (the detainee allegations and the recent proroguing of parliament rank high, but there were personal ones, too). but there was growth. and there were good tears.

not bad for a year's work. on to the next!

globu, globu!

my chubby fingers reached for the christmas ornament and mom tentatively placed the shiny sphere in my hand. within seconds, it was on the ground, in pieces. to this day, whenever i reach for something delicate, i hear mom’s singsong voice: globu, globu! it reminds me that, as a two-year-old, i begged for and was entrusted with a treasure, only to fail miserably as its steward.

the 26-year gap between that christmas and today seems to have done little to shake the feeling that i cannot handle the fragile. it is enough to make me hesitate before i reach out. i pause for a moment and consider: can't i enjoy this beautiful thing without touching it, without risking it? perhaps i can relish it by observation, rather than experience. we will both be safer that way.

even the things i love most – especially the things i love most – i am bound to be too aggressive with, to smother, to crush. my fingers are not nimble enough, my grip is too tight, and i find myself counting down to the inevitable disappointment of loss.

~ adapted from my "soul paper," 2004.

crushed

a little while ago, i wrote about the movie "the reader" and reflected on the limits of our compassion.

"sometimes we find ourselves at the end of our compassion and love. there is only so far any one of us can go, and we are, perhaps, surprised to discover we are at that border. crossing over would be right - so virtuous, so noble, so good - but it is not within our strength. we are at the end of ourselves."

it's not even always the case that you suddenly look up and realize the border lies between you and your next step. sometimes you just slam right into the brick wall that prevents you from giving more. at least i do. at least... i just did.

and it hurts. i want to be someone who can always give more... but maybe you can't achieve that without inevitably giving less. and who wants love that is a hundred miles long but only one inch deep?

a friend of mine recently asked me if there's anything i do halfway. he was referring to my hallowe'en costume (see here), but it gave me pause. when it comes to people i care about, i very rarely go halfway. i screw things up, but it usually has nothing to do with my lack of investment.

i hope... i really do hope that, one of these days, i'm going to bust a me-shaped hole right through that brick wall. but until my heart is strong enough for that, i suppose i'll have to suffer through many more bruised shins and broken noses.

for now, i'm curled up at the foot of the wall, wishing my tears could dissolve it, brick by brick.

"our best hope is to love as fiercely and give as freely as we can - as we can - and learn to forgive ourselves for the rest."

early to bed and early to rise...

hello! i'm still alive. working hard these days. you know, for a change ;)
- lsat is done. results coming in 12 days!
- law school applications in the works
- thesis research behind, but progressing
- actual social life happening
- missing cori and james
- anticipating ioana and dov's wedding
- only one actual tiff with mom since i moved back here two months ago! big smiles!
- "house" is pretty cool
- i'm always tired by 9pm, but...
- i think i just might be happy

tri a little tenderness

* someone i once cared about very deeply lost a significant person in his life
* my brother-in-law didn't get the grant he was hoping for, so he and my sister are worried about their future plans to move to the uk
* my mom's highlights turned out blonder than she anticipated

i'll give you one guess as to which of the three my mother thought was worth worrying about. confession: i really don't understand.

5

when you're sitting two feet away from someone who is stomping her feet, slapping her face and ears, trying to throw the heating vent at you, and screaming at the top of her lungs until she is in tears... five minutes feels like an eternity.


p.s.
michael: have you seen any new movies lately?
me: well... oh, i saw "17 again"!
michael: oh, so you've seen in twice already?

i love my job. there's so much laughter there. so much trust. and it brings me tremendous joy even - and maybe especially - when it's heartbreaking and terrifying.

6

the other day, while hanging out at cornerstone, i asked casey, "have i ever cooked a meal here that didn't involve asparagus?" he pondered this and answered in the negative. upon further reflection, i realized that i couldn't remember the last meal i'd prepared *anywhere* that didn't involve asparagus. and while i looooove that veggie in a multitude of ways - steamed, stirfried, enfolded in eggs, encircled by prosciutto, roasted, bbqed, etc - enough was more or less enough.

tonight's dinner featured no asparagus. and (for high values of six or loose definitions of "ingredient"*) it relied on only six delicious ingredients. yummers!

here are the more photogenic ones:










oh, salsa, spread by my (new!) pastry brush. so spicy. so penetrating.
oh, red onion, sliced into gentle arcs. so target-shaped. so aromatic.
oh, roma grape tomatoes, cloven in half. so juicy. so fleshy.

siiiiigh.

the finished product looked something - but only *something* - like this.

as you can see, in addition to the yummies mentioned above, there were:
- "grains" of orzo (rice-shaped pasta that manages to be moist and light and still pasta-esque!)
- two halves of a rib-eye steak (which is what the salsa was spread on!)
- many peas (many!)



for those who are interested in the done-ness of said steak, it was a little less pink than it appears in this photo. i like my meat a bit closer to well-done, to be honest, but these were juicy (and therefore delectable) nonetheless.






all gone!

('cept for the containers of orzo and veggies now in my fridge.)

* my fajita spice combo, some kosher salt, and olive oil cooperated with the starring ingredients to create top-notch yum. love also helped.

8

i heard my mom on the phone once, finding out her friend had leukemia... nu se poate (it can't be) was all i could make out. it can't be, it can't be... but it is, you know? it's hard to escape stories of people sick and dying, people in pain, in general - i know you guys are all touched by hurt, too, whether it's your own or that of other people. it's like all that stuff in the united states of leland: if you look deep enough into anyone's eyes, it's like there's this tremendous sadness, and they're just fighting to bury it under pta meetings and card games and status reports and facebook and shoes and books and movies and garbage.

i was thinking about how irrational love can be. i was thinking about how, when i sit beside nancy and no one's at home, i ask her, "are you happy?" and there is no earthly reason to hope that she will ever be happy, let alone be able to tell me that she's happy. how love is about hoping against all odds, without ignoring the sadness. i don't know what st. paul was on about, separating faith, hope, and love. i mean, you can argue with me if you really want, but i'm pretty sure those three aren't that distinct from one another.
 
my dad and i were talking about what it would be like to actually live each day as if it were your last. i joked that your friends and relatives would finally say, "listen, i get that you love me... you don't have to call every day and spend an hour on the phone with me, telling me how much you value me. i get it, i really, really do." sometimes i wonder if anything "practical" could get done if i took love seriously. maybe what scares me most about death is that there isn't enough time to really love people. maybe the beatles were right: eight days a week is not enough to show i care.

10

this song popped up on my ipod the other day and i was struck by how well it described the way i felt about god, particularly toward the end of those ten years...



these parts especially resonated:

i sang your songs, i danced your dance
i gave your friends all a chance
but putting up with them
wasn't worth never having you*...

well, if i was in your position
i'd put down all my ammunition
i'd wonder why'd it'd taken me so long

but lord knows that i'm not you
and if i was, i wouldn't be so cruel
'cause waitin' on love ain't so easy to do

(*not in a blanket sense. but, yes, this resonates profoundly)

the music video makes me wonder whether i'd like to turn back time. and in many ways, i would. my life would be very different if i hadn't begun attending church in 1997. my career path, my family life, my friendships. but maybe i'm better for having arrived here the way i did. maybe it's ok to go down some painful paths, because otherwise you'd always be wondering about them. plus, i have met some wonderful people and learned some crucial lessons along the way.

in fact, i know i'm more compassionate to those who disagree with me than i used to be. maybe that just comes with growing up and caring less about "winning." or maybe spending ten years thinking a lot about character and integrity and sacrifice and kindness and truth and beauty has been good for my soul. so it's not so much about regret as... cutting my losses.

d. and i are speaking again, which is to say that he's arguing with me again. and i now realize what my sister was talking about when she said, "all christians seem to care about is whether i'm a christian." again, a blanket statement, so not quite accurate. but still... it hints at something real. and silly. and even a little painful.

there are a few things i'm an evangelist for: lars and the real girl, asparagus, chick peas, the west wing, toronto's ravines, and some social justice issues. but i hope i always, always care more about the people i'm talking to than i do about being right.

y is for yes, indeed.

i think i understand a little. and i want to help.

w is for wedding!

corina and james are married! and dov knows how to look like a very creepy passer-by:)

but, seriously: though there were some delays and surprises - broken furnace, broken necklace, iron barfed rusty water on dov's shirt, spa morning took an hour longer than anticipated and involved a minor scolding from the hairdresser - the bride's side eventually made it to the u of t campus to take photos on the west side of university college.

the groom's family were patiently waiting with smiles and corina's bouquet, having already completed the requisite combinatorics exercise and taken all of their photos.



james' dad held coats while we tried out all the possible combos:

- cori & james
- cori & james & cori's parents, cori & james & james' parents
- cori & james & cori's family, cori & james & james' family
- cori & parents, corina & siblings, corina & siblings & dov
- cori's family, cori's family & dov
- all the siblings, siblings & significant others
- both families, both families & significant others, both families & significant others & james' friends

despite the sunshine, it was pretty cold out there and whenever we weren't on-camera we huddled for warmth!

right, so off to city hall!

there was a bit of a wait there, but soon it was our turn to fill up the little wedding chamber. cori and james glowed, the tissues ran out, the justice of the peace spoke beautifully, we got ink on our fingers, and ioana and dov passed around truffles once the pronouncement of husband and wife was made.

i really appreciated that there was no hint that this was simply one of a thousand weddings the justice had performed in his career. he made their moment significant, and it really felt like he valued the role he played.

but enough reflection... dinner time! off to the courtyard restaurant in yorkville!

the food was yummy, but i have no pictures of it! gulash, spinach crespelle, and apple strudel were my choices, while others enjoyed combinations of spinach salad, salmon, chicken snitzel, and some chocolate crepe dessert. not all on one plate.

soon after the moldovian musicians showed up, my mom and ana grabbed the mic and sang. while unplanned (by the rest of us), this definitely broke the ice! in fact, it wasn't long before the wait staff pulled the carpets away to make room for dancing! (pictured here) romanian, italian, cuban, and other sweet tunes led the feet of bride, groom, family, and friends. oh, and yes: i did request "hava nagila."



there had been sufficient wine served to ensure touching speechs (i cried through the end of mine), and we topped it all of with champagne, chocolate-hazelnut cake, and a little more dancing.

one of the things i mentioned in my speech was that, standing beside cori as she recited her vows, it occured to me how many of those promises she and james have already been keeping for three and a half years. the wedding shouldn't really be a beginning... it should be a celebration of what already is, and what is to come.

u is for unpredictable

as hug-an-engineer day ends and pi day threatens to dawn, i reflect on the messiness of life. (the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter may be a constant, but it is after all an irrational one.)

their flights were delayed, but ioana and dov finally arrived and we sat down to the lovely late supper mom had prepared. cori put on her dress and we helped her choose jewellery. we decided which dress i should wear, too. then the heater broke. also, cori's necklace. so we drank champagne and i mended the string.

there were wee arguments along the way and cori's skin began reacting to the stress, but by now we've all pretty much settled in to bed/couch for the night, supported by the diligent work of some strategically placed space heaters.

"life is messy," i said to cori as i hugged her "good night."

i hope that getting so tangible a reminder of that on the eve of her wedding was as instructive as it was ironic. the truth is that promises like the one corina and james are making tomorrow aren't about an immaculate ideal, but about reality. cori says that, very early on, she told james just that: "i want something real," she said.

fifteen hours from now they will commit to walking through the messiness of that reality together. it occurs to me that you can never know what you're going to face, but you can know who you'll face it with. maybe when you're walking hand-in-hand even a mess can be a beautiful adventure.

q is for quitting time...

... i.e. right now.

one time my mom, sister, and i were "talking about boys." when my dad came into the room and wanted to watch a movie, my mom stopped him: "we're talking about boys. do you have anything to contribute?"

"all they want is sex. turn the tv back on."

some people think that because i can sniff a typo a mile away and i'm a(n incompetent) perfectionist that i must be pretty negative. but the truth is, i'm an eternal optimist. i really want to believe the best about people... and i hope hope hope until it hurts.

newsflash: it hurts. and i kinda think i'm done hoping that my dad was wrong.

i once told someone i loved that when i looked at him, i didn't see an acorn - i saw an oak tree. he told me that he didn't know anything about how to grow into an oak tree. i told him the acorn doesn't know, either. but a few months later, after we had misunderstood and hurt each other countless more times, i realized i was tired of getting pummelled with acorns.

all relationships are based on imagination: imagining that i can be more generous, imagining that you can be more thoughtful, imagining that sharing a life with someone is even possible.

but what happens when your heart runs out of creativity? what happens when it's too tired to dream anymore? what happens when "love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres; love never fails." (1 cor. 13:7) sounds like a big lie?

i give up.