you know i love stealing stuff from other sites and blogs:
frederich buechner, whom i love, said that your call is to: "the intersection of your own deep gladness and the world's deep hunger." isn't that beautiful? i stole it from this article about life dreams. this seems to be a theme for me this week.
oh, confession for today: totally made up a guestlist for my wedding. isn't that NUTS? it easily had 70 people on it. and that's with some paring down! the "will cry if they're not there list" was much shorter. i. am. a. geek.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
milestones, bandwagons, and a contest
1) this is post #100, for those who aren't counting . . . but i'm sure half of those posts came in the last four months. in fact lemme check . . . . (be patient!) . . . more than half in the last THREE months. nice! so, let's make this a gooder!
2) everyone else seems to be doing a list of random facts. here's mine:
a) typos are a big pet-peeve for me. the most distracting place for typos is in worship songs. they completely mess me up.
b) i choose not to capitalize unless i'm writing something somewhat formal or mentioning the name of God.
c) i believe that love is the answer . . . i believe love will find a way.
d) i have never been on a real date.
e) josh just came into the library and made me that much more excited about residence!
f) i like massaging (clean) feet.
g) i love socks, but i don't like wearing them.
h) i'm a recovering spongebob addict.
i) i just reorganized my links, and realized that g.mango is the only person from my high school whose blog i'm aware of.
j) it seriously bothers me that that last sentence ended in a preposition.
k) i think i'm zeroing in on what i want to do with my life. that's right! i MAY have a dream.
l) i love canoeing, kayaking, and belaying people on high ropes. not that i'm brilliant at any of those!
m) is the first letter of my name.
3) so, i went to this wedding on saturday. i didn't cry - very strange given my convincing performance as the local faucet at angie's wedding last november! it was very beautifully and tastefully done. there were funny stories, touching speeches, and lots of personal "isn't that JUST like amanda and peter!" kind of touches. very sweet. here's a photo, borrowed from dave's blog:
4) CONTEST!!!! i want to see who can come up with the best caption for that pic. peter has his mouth open, so let's see what fun things you can make him say. open to ANYONE. the prize is . . . the respect and admiration of the web community . . . woooohoooo!
that's it for today!
2) everyone else seems to be doing a list of random facts. here's mine:
a) typos are a big pet-peeve for me. the most distracting place for typos is in worship songs. they completely mess me up.
b) i choose not to capitalize unless i'm writing something somewhat formal or mentioning the name of God.
c) i believe that love is the answer . . . i believe love will find a way.
d) i have never been on a real date.
e) josh just came into the library and made me that much more excited about residence!
f) i like massaging (clean) feet.
g) i love socks, but i don't like wearing them.
h) i'm a recovering spongebob addict.
i) i just reorganized my links, and realized that g.mango is the only person from my high school whose blog i'm aware of.
j) it seriously bothers me that that last sentence ended in a preposition.
k) i think i'm zeroing in on what i want to do with my life. that's right! i MAY have a dream.
l) i love canoeing, kayaking, and belaying people on high ropes. not that i'm brilliant at any of those!
m) is the first letter of my name.
3) so, i went to this wedding on saturday. i didn't cry - very strange given my convincing performance as the local faucet at angie's wedding last november! it was very beautifully and tastefully done. there were funny stories, touching speeches, and lots of personal "isn't that JUST like amanda and peter!" kind of touches. very sweet. here's a photo, borrowed from dave's blog:
4) CONTEST!!!! i want to see who can come up with the best caption for that pic. peter has his mouth open, so let's see what fun things you can make him say. open to ANYONE. the prize is . . . the respect and admiration of the web community . . . woooohoooo!
that's it for today!
Friday, August 26, 2005
how close is too close?
i wonder what's ok to share on here. i don't want to find out by being bitten in the butt. hmmm. i want to be honest and open, or this is a useless exercise: a stupid fad that lends me the distinction of being trendy without the burden of being authentic. not so interested in that. i'm not transparent on here . . . but i'm real. while i can't imagine what they are, i guess there are dangers in that. a risk worth taking?
reflexion
yeah, i know that's not how you spell it. but i've been doing that. lots. reflecting, i mean.
changes come so quick, and it's hard to catch your breath sometimes. and i don't mean that it's always like, "SURPRISE!!!!!" . . . but even when i have a head's up, that doesn't seem to help. i still somehow get caught off-guard. i've had so much time to prepare myself for a)a new school year, b)the whole residence thing, c)a certain wedding, d)fil and nav moving away . . . . but it seems like it's all catching up to NOW. isn't that strange? i'm a big fan of managing stress, but that's hard to do with heart stuff. nav and i were talking about this last night in terms of "you can't plan a breakdown or a break-through".
sometimes, you're finally ready to talk about hurt or anxiety or confusion at 11:59pm . . . and the curfew has to be tossed out. sometimes, the emotions don't really kick in until the last minute, and you suddenly realize that you're not as ok as you thought you were. sometimes, you have mixed feelings about your ex-boyfriend getting married (for the record, none of those mixed feelings include wanting to get back together. just fyi . . .) and you don't understand why. sometimes, you feel inadequate even if all the details are under control. sometimes, the concept of preparing yourself doesn't make any sense. sometimes, managing stress really means taking care of the few things over which you actually have control.
sometimes, i'm better off falling to my knees. i like that i don't have to make an appointment to cry on God's shoulder . . . 'cause i rarely see those moments coming.
changes come so quick, and it's hard to catch your breath sometimes. and i don't mean that it's always like, "SURPRISE!!!!!" . . . but even when i have a head's up, that doesn't seem to help. i still somehow get caught off-guard. i've had so much time to prepare myself for a)a new school year, b)the whole residence thing, c)a certain wedding, d)fil and nav moving away . . . . but it seems like it's all catching up to NOW. isn't that strange? i'm a big fan of managing stress, but that's hard to do with heart stuff. nav and i were talking about this last night in terms of "you can't plan a breakdown or a break-through".
sometimes, you're finally ready to talk about hurt or anxiety or confusion at 11:59pm . . . and the curfew has to be tossed out. sometimes, the emotions don't really kick in until the last minute, and you suddenly realize that you're not as ok as you thought you were. sometimes, you have mixed feelings about your ex-boyfriend getting married (for the record, none of those mixed feelings include wanting to get back together. just fyi . . .) and you don't understand why. sometimes, you feel inadequate even if all the details are under control. sometimes, the concept of preparing yourself doesn't make any sense. sometimes, managing stress really means taking care of the few things over which you actually have control.
sometimes, i'm better off falling to my knees. i like that i don't have to make an appointment to cry on God's shoulder . . . 'cause i rarely see those moments coming.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
borrowed time
so, i've taken more than a week to respond to this, but i think i have something now. as a reminder, here was the question:
if you were going to die in a week, what ten books (fiction or non-) would you leave the world wrapped up and tied with a bow, that does one or both of these things: 1) tells the world about you and what you stood for in some way; or 2) helps make the world a better place. they don't have to be in any particular order.
the difficulty is that my favourite books don't necessarily reveal what i stood for or make the world a better place. i wonder if that's a problem . . .
in no particular order:
"fugitive pieces" by anne michaels
i read this book in grade 13 english lit . . . more than half the class hated it, i imagine. it's very . . . rich. can give you a tummy ache, sometimes. plus, you kinda suspect it's pretentious. all the same, i love the imagery, the motifs, and the discussion of life after the holocaust.
"night" by elie wiesel
this is not a fun book to read, by any stretch. i picked it up knowing that. wiesel gives his account of life during the holocaust, as a boy. this romanian-born author gives a powerful depiction of the jewish struggle to survive then and - then and now - to understand God.
"bridge to terabithia" by katherine paterson
this may very well have been my first chapter book. i still have my copy from grade 1 - now 18 years old. a beautiful tale of friendship, imagination, and the harshness of real life.
"the chosen" by chaim potok
another example of my love of jewish literature, though this one is different. it takes place during the second world war, but in new york. two jewish boys unexpectedly begin a friendship . . . arguably the most important of their lives. hasidism, zionism, and everything in-between seems to try to tear them apart.
"the Jesus i never knew" by philip yancey
landmark book for me. just looking at it on my bookshelf (yes, i've read it) challenges me to get back to the basics and to exhume Jesus from the tradition and assumptions in which we tend to bury Him.
"now and then" by frederich buechner
who would have guessed that another school text would have an impact on me? this book is an excellent example of intelligent faith - a spirituality that wrestles with problems, instead of ignoring them, and allows Christ to be compared to other options. reading it made me a wiser believer by chiselling away at my dogma, exposing flesh and blood.
"the effect of gamma rays on man-in-the-moon marigolds" by paul zindel
a phenomenal work. despite my attempts to dramatize it in grade 11, it continues to be one of the plays i consider as profound, soulful and raw.
editted to include the following:
"good ideas from questionable christians and outright pagans" by steve wilkens
i only got halfway through this book, to be honest. but it's stellar, and i hope to dig my way through the rest over this next term. it's a mining expedition through the history of philosophy. socrates (sigh), descartes, marx, kierkegaard and many of their brothers are treated in this survey. intelligently written - not quite a "for dummies" book, but still accessible. more steps into intellectual approaches to faith.
"the trial and death of socrates" (euthyphro, apology, crito, and phaedo) by plato
you can get this for $2, but this is definitely not a case of "you get what you pay for." i cry when i read these four dialogues. euthyphro is an amazing example of the socratic method at work, as piety is dissected. apology is socrates' testimony at his trial - you're shaking your head half the time. at least. he's making lots of logical sense but being very undiplomatic - practically daring people to find him guilty. in crito socrates is offered an alternative to the death penalty but poo-poos it, and in phaedo he gives his last speech before his death by hemlock.
for him who fain would teach the world
the world holds hate in fee -
for socrates, the hemlock cup;
for Christ, gethsemane.
~don marquis, "the wages"
there are other parallels.
"a bargain for francis" by russell hoban, illustrated by lillian hoban
friends always play fair. oh, if only the world would embrace the lessons francis taught me.
i said above that my favourite books weren't the ideal candidates for this list, but as i've reflected, my mind has changed. certainly there are books i love that don't appear here. still, the books closest to my heart either epitomize my values or defy them in such a way as to throw me back into the arms of my most cherished beliefs.
if you were going to die in a week, what ten books (fiction or non-) would you leave the world wrapped up and tied with a bow, that does one or both of these things: 1) tells the world about you and what you stood for in some way; or 2) helps make the world a better place. they don't have to be in any particular order.
the difficulty is that my favourite books don't necessarily reveal what i stood for or make the world a better place. i wonder if that's a problem . . .
in no particular order:
"fugitive pieces" by anne michaels
i read this book in grade 13 english lit . . . more than half the class hated it, i imagine. it's very . . . rich. can give you a tummy ache, sometimes. plus, you kinda suspect it's pretentious. all the same, i love the imagery, the motifs, and the discussion of life after the holocaust.
"night" by elie wiesel
this is not a fun book to read, by any stretch. i picked it up knowing that. wiesel gives his account of life during the holocaust, as a boy. this romanian-born author gives a powerful depiction of the jewish struggle to survive then and - then and now - to understand God.
"bridge to terabithia" by katherine paterson
this may very well have been my first chapter book. i still have my copy from grade 1 - now 18 years old. a beautiful tale of friendship, imagination, and the harshness of real life.
"the chosen" by chaim potok
another example of my love of jewish literature, though this one is different. it takes place during the second world war, but in new york. two jewish boys unexpectedly begin a friendship . . . arguably the most important of their lives. hasidism, zionism, and everything in-between seems to try to tear them apart.
"the Jesus i never knew" by philip yancey
landmark book for me. just looking at it on my bookshelf (yes, i've read it) challenges me to get back to the basics and to exhume Jesus from the tradition and assumptions in which we tend to bury Him.
"now and then" by frederich buechner
who would have guessed that another school text would have an impact on me? this book is an excellent example of intelligent faith - a spirituality that wrestles with problems, instead of ignoring them, and allows Christ to be compared to other options. reading it made me a wiser believer by chiselling away at my dogma, exposing flesh and blood.
"the effect of gamma rays on man-in-the-moon marigolds" by paul zindel
a phenomenal work. despite my attempts to dramatize it in grade 11, it continues to be one of the plays i consider as profound, soulful and raw.
editted to include the following:
"good ideas from questionable christians and outright pagans" by steve wilkens
i only got halfway through this book, to be honest. but it's stellar, and i hope to dig my way through the rest over this next term. it's a mining expedition through the history of philosophy. socrates (sigh), descartes, marx, kierkegaard and many of their brothers are treated in this survey. intelligently written - not quite a "for dummies" book, but still accessible. more steps into intellectual approaches to faith.
"the trial and death of socrates" (euthyphro, apology, crito, and phaedo) by plato
you can get this for $2, but this is definitely not a case of "you get what you pay for." i cry when i read these four dialogues. euthyphro is an amazing example of the socratic method at work, as piety is dissected. apology is socrates' testimony at his trial - you're shaking your head half the time. at least. he's making lots of logical sense but being very undiplomatic - practically daring people to find him guilty. in crito socrates is offered an alternative to the death penalty but poo-poos it, and in phaedo he gives his last speech before his death by hemlock.
for him who fain would teach the world
the world holds hate in fee -
for socrates, the hemlock cup;
for Christ, gethsemane.
~don marquis, "the wages"
there are other parallels.
"a bargain for francis" by russell hoban, illustrated by lillian hoban
friends always play fair. oh, if only the world would embrace the lessons francis taught me.
i said above that my favourite books weren't the ideal candidates for this list, but as i've reflected, my mind has changed. certainly there are books i love that don't appear here. still, the books closest to my heart either epitomize my values or defy them in such a way as to throw me back into the arms of my most cherished beliefs.
it's not grieving, but it's still got steps . . .
confession: i haven't been to my home church in a long time. part of it has been my being away (at camp or in toronto), part of it is that i can't get a ride anymore, part of it is that my closest friends are no longer there.
this article talks about other reasons that people leave good churches. those steps didn't apply to me entirely, but i saw glimpses of myself in some of them, for sure.
it's a tough thing, figuring out where God wants you. sometimes, something doesn't have to broke(n) for you to wonder if there's a need for fixing. you know?
this article talks about other reasons that people leave good churches. those steps didn't apply to me entirely, but i saw glimpses of myself in some of them, for sure.
it's a tough thing, figuring out where God wants you. sometimes, something doesn't have to broke(n) for you to wonder if there's a need for fixing. you know?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
confession #29
i just have to confess this: i check everyone's blog every time i update mine. i don't always read with undivided attention, but i always check it out.
even nav's which hasn't been updated in two weeks, skoch's which he hasn't touched in five weeks, and fred's, where, as predicted, i've been staring at that one picture for seven weeks! i mean, you can just hear the wind whistling through the ghosttowns i love to visit! i keep checking their blogs on the off chance that they've elbowed their way online. unlikely, since those three are on urban mission week right now, and will be back at camp for another two weeks afterward.
there are other folks who, to be fair, have been blogging a tad more recently. but you always want what you can't have. ain't that always the way.
even nav's which hasn't been updated in two weeks, skoch's which he hasn't touched in five weeks, and fred's, where, as predicted, i've been staring at that one picture for seven weeks! i mean, you can just hear the wind whistling through the ghosttowns i love to visit! i keep checking their blogs on the off chance that they've elbowed their way online. unlikely, since those three are on urban mission week right now, and will be back at camp for another two weeks afterward.
there are other folks who, to be fair, have been blogging a tad more recently. but you always want what you can't have. ain't that always the way.
everything's fuzzy . . .
i'm sorta at a point where any amount of organization kinda seems impossible. sorting my laundry, getting paperwork done, anything. my brain just says, "i don't think i can handle that right now." and yet there are things that are so clear to me. like . . . well, my iq is apparently 144. so that's nice. but kinda useless. i don't know, man. just fuzzy. restless and lazy at the same time. anticipating and yet hoping time will drag on. it's weird.
i hope this old train breaks down . . .
i hope this old train breaks down . . .
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
borrowing is fun . . .
when you have nothing exciting to report (or you've already reported the excitement), it's nice to resort to borrowing from other blogs. in this case, faith inspired me:
question: if you were going to die in a week, what ten books (fiction or non-) would you leave the world wrapped up and tied with a bow, that does one or both of these things: 1) tells the world about you and what you stood for in some way; or 2) helps make the world a better place. they don't have to be in any particular order.
the thing is, i don't have an answer yet. but i thought i'd get you thinking about it, while i work on it, too. answers to come. within a week, i suppose, since according to this hypothetical, that's all the time i have left.
question: if you were going to die in a week, what ten books (fiction or non-) would you leave the world wrapped up and tied with a bow, that does one or both of these things: 1) tells the world about you and what you stood for in some way; or 2) helps make the world a better place. they don't have to be in any particular order.
the thing is, i don't have an answer yet. but i thought i'd get you thinking about it, while i work on it, too. answers to come. within a week, i suppose, since according to this hypothetical, that's all the time i have left.
joy
my sissy posted a comment! that makes me happy :) see? :D happiness!!!
in other news, tehillah was great last night. i can't really put my finger on why. but in the category of EXCELLENT news, alex got a new job!!!! i'm very excited about this (evidently) because loving (or even liking) your job is a nice thing. i met two women who are going to be in residence next year! they're fun. and i'm still sick. it's been two weeks. that's what's going on around here. now i have to go have a vision and a mission for residence. 'scuse me while i do my job.
in other news, tehillah was great last night. i can't really put my finger on why. but in the category of EXCELLENT news, alex got a new job!!!! i'm very excited about this (evidently) because loving (or even liking) your job is a nice thing. i met two women who are going to be in residence next year! they're fun. and i'm still sick. it's been two weeks. that's what's going on around here. now i have to go have a vision and a mission for residence. 'scuse me while i do my job.
Monday, August 08, 2005
no wonder i don't know what i mean half the time
borrowed this . . . it's fun:
you can babelize stuff by translating it in and out of various languages. or you can get this site to do it for you. par example:
my new favourite song loses some of its . . . charm when i need this old train to break down becomes i have the necessity of this old rupture of the series ignited here
and jane austen may have seemed complicated before - it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife - but it seems to survive babelization: the recognized truth is one, man simple in the possession of the great wealth to be must an internal demand of the part of a woman.
and theology can get messed up, too: i am saved by grace, through faith becomes they had happened with the beauty, of that the faith he them aids. ahem.
and the theme verse for residence this year - the reality, however, is found in Christ - might not work as well if it claimed that the truth nevertheless is like the Christian! the truth would be in very grave danger were that the case! (it's german, by the way, that changes "Christ" to "Christian" . . . troubling.)
this is too fun for words. it is safeguard of equally for the words.
i'm going to stop now. hour i apprehension.
see you later! they see more later! (ooh . . . they do?! crazy!)
you can babelize stuff by translating it in and out of various languages. or you can get this site to do it for you. par example:
my new favourite song loses some of its . . . charm when i need this old train to break down becomes i have the necessity of this old rupture of the series ignited here
and jane austen may have seemed complicated before - it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife - but it seems to survive babelization: the recognized truth is one, man simple in the possession of the great wealth to be must an internal demand of the part of a woman.
and theology can get messed up, too: i am saved by grace, through faith becomes they had happened with the beauty, of that the faith he them aids. ahem.
and the theme verse for residence this year - the reality, however, is found in Christ - might not work as well if it claimed that the truth nevertheless is like the Christian! the truth would be in very grave danger were that the case! (it's german, by the way, that changes "Christ" to "Christian" . . . troubling.)
this is too fun for words. it is safeguard of equally for the words.
i'm going to stop now. hour i apprehension.
see you later! they see more later! (ooh . . . they do?! crazy!)
Friday, August 05, 2005
breakdown
on tuesday night, i took the greyhound from red deer to calgary. returning from camp is never easy, and on the drive to red deer i heard a song that helped me better understand why it's so hard to leave:
breakdown
jack johnson
i hope this old train breaks down then i could take a walk around
see what there is to see, time is just a melody
with all the people in the street walking fast as their feet
can take them, i just roll through town
and though my window's got a view, well the frame i'm looking through
seems to have no concern for now
so for now i
i need this here old train to breakdown
oh please just let me please just breakdown
[snip]
i got to break on down
but i can't stop now
so, first of all, i love brett because he introduces me to random things i wouldn't otherwise be exposed to. and a lot of that random stuff is amazing. like this song. secondly, this song is so where i am right now. wishing life would slow down, and willing to hope for a breakdown, but not willing to actually stop, myself. when the expressway closes down and i have to take side roads, i get to drive into the sun, enjoy laughter and prayer and tears. that's what i'm about.
just fyi.
breakdown
jack johnson
i hope this old train breaks down then i could take a walk around
see what there is to see, time is just a melody
with all the people in the street walking fast as their feet
can take them, i just roll through town
and though my window's got a view, well the frame i'm looking through
seems to have no concern for now
so for now i
i need this here old train to breakdown
oh please just let me please just breakdown
[snip]
i got to break on down
but i can't stop now
so, first of all, i love brett because he introduces me to random things i wouldn't otherwise be exposed to. and a lot of that random stuff is amazing. like this song. secondly, this song is so where i am right now. wishing life would slow down, and willing to hope for a breakdown, but not willing to actually stop, myself. when the expressway closes down and i have to take side roads, i get to drive into the sun, enjoy laughter and prayer and tears. that's what i'm about.
just fyi.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
back from camp
i have lots of thoughts i want to share, but no time to type them just yet. so, here's the deal: i'll journal them tonight, type them in here tomorrow, and then you can read. be patient with me . . . i'm trying to grow.
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