kata fil

fil suggested that either i "should always, always say 'word', or never again. one of the two." for the record, i don't think i've actually said 'word' more than a dozen times in my life (at least, not in the watch-out-i'm-using-cool-lingo-here-folks sense). but i write it. and will probably continue to do so. i also use "yo" in writing. 'cause it's fun.

elsewhere, as fil would say, thumbs down: breakdown imminent; frustration and disappointment at an all-time high; prayer appreciated.

warning: this may be disturbing to some readers!

eta:
for those not already disturbed by the fact that i do these types of quizzes, consider my top-10 results on the belief-o-matic quiz:

1. mainline to conservative Christian/protestant (100%)
2. mainline to liberal Christian/protestant (99%)
3. orthodox quaker (98%)
4. seventh day adventist (90%)
5. baha'i faith (85%)
6. church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints (mormons) (79%)
7. liberal quakers (78%)
8. eastern orthodox (75%)
9. roman catholic (75%)
10. islam (74%)

dude. bad enough i scored conservative above liberal (that might be a joke), but apparently i am more MORMON and BAHA'I then i am eastern orthodox?!?!?! something's amiss with the quiz, i do declare!

theta:
when i was writing the section above, i hesitated on capitalizing Jesus Christ in the title of the mormon church . . . you may have noticed that my usual practice is to capitalize only names of and references to God (for the record "Christmas" and "Christian" get caps, but not because they're special themselves; only because they're named after Christ, and He's pretty special). but i don't agree with what mormons believe about Jesus . . . so i wrestled, i did.

iota:
sometimes i wonder if wrestling is all it's cracked up to be . . .

kappa:
bought "guys and dolls" for $9.99 . . . there's nothing like being nostaligic, entertained, and broke . . . all at the same time.

lambda:
wavelengths . . .

mu:
another quizzy asks: Jesus' message was primarily
1. about the importance of forgiveness and love
2. about how to attain eternal life through belief in him
3. about the kingdom of god
4. a voice of peasant social protest

what do you say?

nu:
wasn't kidding: would like to know what you think!

here it is . . .

alpha:
as promised, fil, i'm going to write an uber-controversial post, the likes of which the world has never seen! except, how can i? in truth, there is nothing i think or feel that is so entirely unique and earthshaking that you haven't already heard it, thought it, or said it yourself (much more eloquently). there is nothing new under the sun, etc. yeah, i rant sometimes. but my goal isn't to be controversial. ever. (that goal is kinda obnoxious, anyway!) it's to be reasonable and real. how am i doing?

beta:
this pic is from postSecret, which i've mentioned before. it made me sad . . .

gamma:
oh, for the love of all that is good and pure!

delta:
one can't complain. i have my friends. someone spoke to me only yesterday.
~eeyore

epsilon:
always interesting to see what people think: click here, please! thanks :)

zeta:
i bet using greek letters doesn't count as studying for my mid-term next week!

for your reading pleasure . . .

i cdnuolt blveiee taht i cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht i was rdanieg: the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at cmabrigde uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. the rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. azanmig, huh? and tehy awlyas siad slpeling was ipmorantt!

so . . .

yeah.

more or less . . .

whose woods these are i think i know
his house is in the village though;
he will not see me stopping here
to watch his woods fill up with snow.


my little horse must think it queer
to stop without a farmhouse near
between the woods and frozen lake
the darkest evening of the year.


he gives his harness bells a shake
to ask if there is some mistake.
the only other sound's the sweep
of easy wind and downy flake.


the woods are lovely, dark and deep.
but i have promises to keep,
and miles to go before i sleep.
and miles to go before i sleep.
~r. frost, "stopping by woods on a snowy evening"


(do forgive me for being redundant. i realize i've said this before . . .

Q' - part II

look - i find some of what you teach suspect
because i'm used to relying on intellect
but i try to open up to what i don't know

because reason says i should have died
three years ago

no other road
no other way
no day but today
~gordon, "rent"

Q'

irrational, indeed. but sometimes matters of taste feel realer than that. some things are objectively good . . . aren't they? ice cream and sunsets and books. being angry because someone doesn't agree . . . can't be healthy.

just the facts, ma'am

un bon reve . . . for a change!

i've been having disturbing dreams, stressful dreams, lately. last night was wonderful, therefore, because it not only offered a break from the disturbingness, but spoke to me. i'll cut to the chase, though there's more to it than this (including a very bizarre diet vanilla coke episode):

as part of an audition for a job (!!!), i had three seconds to prepare a devotional for teens . . . on the subject of true love. so i started in: today we're going to talk about a story most girls are excited to find in the Bible . . . a love story. but before we get going on the story of ruth, let's pray. Father, i know we're just doing this for auditions, but i pray that You would illuminate Your word and that we could learn from this passage. let my words flow from Your heart. amen.

i began telling the story of ruth - more from her perspective than naomi's - all the while wondering what my point was going to be. i paused to decide whether i should go into the whole bit about "even if i took a husband tonight, would you wait for my son to be of age?" . . . it involved explaining some of the customs of the time, and might get lengthy. i went over it briefly. when i got to the end, i reflected back. we so often remember ruth for her boldness - for uncovering boaz's feet and basically throwing herself at him . . . but i didn't want to talk about that. ruth's true love didn't begin with boaz. it began with naomi and with God, when she vowed to stay close to them.

it's dangerous to read about people's lives - in or out of Scripture - and think 'if i just do what she did, i'll get the same result.' in this case, 'if i'm a devoted friend, and promise to follow God, i'll find my boaz!' God doesn't operate that way. ruth didn't make her decisions based on the best strategy for getting a man. quite the opposite. naomi made it clear that she had no sons to offer, and israel wasn't the ideal place to snag a husband - at least, not for a moabitess. most jewish men wouldn't touch her, because she wasn't one of them! ruth had no expectations of marriage or kids - she came for naomi, because she truly loved her; and she came for God. that's important.

how many of us have made decisions based on guys? how to dress in the morning, or which path to walk around the school, or which stories to tell when he's around? ruth didn't work on that: she focussed on loving and caring for naomi. she wasn't looking for a date qwhen she started gleaning in boaz's fields, either. she was doing her best to provide for her family. and she found so much more than grain.

i'm not saying that caring about marriage or thinking about guys is silly or evil, but don't tell yourself that you won't have true love 'til your boaz comes along. that's a lie: ruth had true love with naomi and she had it with God - potentially at the expense of romance. remember, though, this isn't a formula: God is not a means to an end, and neither is love. besides, as i said, there are no guarantees. you can be a ruth for the rest of your life and never find your boaz. what's certain is this: boaz-types never settle for less than a ruth. and vice-versa.

God's never spoken to me in a dream before . . . i thought that was pretty cool. maybe someone else needed to hear this, too?

les citations

warning: accents are missing!

je veux faire ceci seulement en francais, mais - quel dommage! - ce n'est pas possible. si j'ecris en francais, tous mes efforts seront employes pour la traduction, et je ne serai pas eloquent. du tout. je dois remercier babelfish de m'aider avec ce paragraphe. fyi: la plupart du temps, je confirmais mes propres traductions . . . est-ce que je triche?

ash quoted william booth: thou knowest we are in need of some smart consecrated up-to-date (wo)men with pens dipped in the love of God...

cyndi quoted from fischer's "fearless faith", required reading for kerry's first year students at rocky: thousands of Christians lobby for conservative legislation; few go into politics. thousands of Christians protest abortion clinics; few provide for singles mothers or adopt babies. thousands boycott blasphemous movies; few seek a vocation in hollywood. we are more comfortable fighting culture than we are being constructively involved in it.

word. (mot?)

cartoons

the short version is that, basically, there are a million on-line discussion about the mohammed cartoons. one was contrasting muslim responses to offensive material with Christian responses. my take:

a) Christians don't really have a problem with people drawing God. there wasn't widespread protest at the unveiling of the sistine chapel (apart from the whole nudity issue). so, at the most basic level, we are not offended by images the same way muslims are. maybe that's ok.

b) seven years ago, a play called "corpus christi" represented jesus as gay. guess who protested? the muslims! that's a little weird, isn't it? to be fair, plenty of Christian groups also spoke out, but none of them declared a fatwa.

c) lots of Christians hold up signs around abortion clinics, around courthouses performing gay marriages, and at marilyn manson concerts. so, clearly the church isn't inherently anti-protest.

so, my question is: are we more concerned with the unrighteousness of others than we are with glorifying God? what upsets me more: when someone sins in his private life or when he publicly slanders God? or (ooh! option #3) when i, myself, sin?

i think all sins are equally devastating to relationship with God. but our focus has typically been more about chastising sinners than defending God's holiness, least of all in our own lives. i wonder why.

"hallowed be Thy name . . ."

things i have forgotten

my mom reminded me today that before i moved out of my parents' home, i quoted a shakespearean sonnet. i know, i know. i'm too something for my own good. anyway . . . it was a snippet from sonnet cxvi: "love is not love which alters when it alteration finds." if you know the background to my moving out, you get it. if not . . . it's still an awesome truth.

also, paul is cool. "well. i'm pretty sure i was the only person on earth who spent yesterday both a) editing legal submissions on a constitutional law argument, and b) ripping up floors with a crowbar." see? cool! (sometimes i need reminders of such things.)

also, taking notes during a sermon doesn't count as worship unless you, you know, worship. there's a neat prophecy-off in jeremiah, by the way. i read it after church.

also, dude, working out is good. so so good.

g. mango is pretty much amazing . . .

yay!

wear lots of layers

made the unforgiveable mistake of watching "vanity fair" a few nights ago.

ugh.

it isn't often that i dislike a movie so much! least of all a period piece based on a classic. it is one thing to find a rendition boring or uninspired; this just left me angry. probably exacerbated by the fact that i was watching it during a bout of insomnia. in any case, it was an absolute waste of time, despite having a fairly good cast (inc. reese witherspoon, whom i find endearing . . . though you're not supposed to really feel that way about becky smith, whom she portrays) and being directed by mira nair, whose "monsoon wedding" i simply adore! so what was wrong with it? there was little build-up, no real inciting action, little opportunity to invest in characters, and - most of all - that undefinable characteristic no one likes to see in a film: it fell flat. just didn't like it. bleh. and ugh. and done, now.


saw "capote" with skochie last night . . . his review will undoubtedly come out soon. as for me, found it . . . strong, moving, troubling, challenging, raw. that is, i think i liked it, but not sure i enjoyed it. glad i saw it, certainly. basically, not sure what to do with the conflict depicted: selfish ambition and authentic compassion. consider the contrast betweenn these two statements made by truman capote during his involvement with perry smith, a convicted murdered with whom he shared a similar family background:

1: it's as if perry and i grew up in the same house. and one day he went out the back door and i went out the front.

2: sometimes, when i think how good my book could be, i can hardly breathe.

capote's relationship with smith is complicated: the writer is clearly exploiting the prisoner, but there is genuine affection, as well. capote lies and yet he is sincere, which only makes it more horrible to watch. so, i don't know what to think or how to feel. spoiler (highlight to reveal): there is no moment of awakening for truman. indeed, he remains an ass for the entirety of the film. for better or for worse, that doesn't make him any less endearing. neither does it let you off the hook on the whole "not sure how to feel" thing. sorry!


also saw "yes", a valentine's day gift from mom: a wonder. again, uncertain as to how i feel about it, but certainly surprised and provoked. worth seeing, for sure. don't want to give away much, but here's a wee: regardless of your personal ethics, you'll find the main love story compelling. a lebanese chef and an irish-american scientist wrestle with love, sex, politics, race, and freedom in raw and shocking ways. one particular section - which roger ebert described as "the most erotic scene i've seen in the movies" - portrays the profound significance of intimacy, if in a slightly uncomfortable way. the writing - iambic pentameter - was a little unsettling for me at times. didn't take away significantly, but did distract occasionally. maybe i just need to get used to it. anyway, joan allen is beautiful, in the true sense of the word.

kim introduced me to this site. it's stellar.

no "i"

my little team reminds me:
God saves
He is my only judge
i am to be consecrated to Him
there is victory in Him.

josh - the first time i ever heard josh's voice, he was telling me he didn't need to send in a res deposit. the next time was in front of his apartment door at brentview towers when we came to invite him for dinner. he's grown a lot in the last year - i'm sure he'd be the first to say so. josh makes me hopeful and optimistic about the future. he also breaks down a lot of my assumptions about pastor's kids. i'll never forget the day we looked through the yearbook, searching for a second male RA, and concluded that josh was the man for the job. i'm so glad we did. i love him so.

danielle - the first day after i moved into res, danielle and i talked in the hall outside her room. she told me about st. fx and trinity-western, what she was looking for in a church, and why she was at rocky. i thought she was neat. i thought, "i can do this res thing." danielle encourages me to watch my words and actions, to be aware of how i affect others, and intentional about making that impact positive. i love her so.

lysa - after being placed in the same small group as lysa, the first thing i learned was that she was swiss. she talked about her babysitting jobs and trying to juggle things. i thought she was so pretty. lysa prays a lot, especially when the rest of the staff is dealing with something difficult. often, while a few of us are addressing a group, lysa will pray. i need to be more like that. i love her so.

i'll never forget the day lysa and danielle ran through the front door of rocky, asked if they could talk to me, then sat me down, shared their hearts, and told me they wanted to be RAs. i'm so glad they did. i love them so.

steve - first week of class, the guy beside me in synoptics made a joke to someone else. i laughed and said, "sorry . . . that was funny." he looked confused. then he said, "i like your shirt." i said, "thanks." i soon changed seats. and that was my first encounter with steve. fortunately, we've had considerably better talks since. steve challenges me to learn from everything, to engage all of myself in worship, to be thoughtful. i'll never forget the first time steve defined what he thought residence was about . . . it was on basis of his heart and perspective that we hired him back. i'm so glad we did. i love him so.

i love my team. even when it's not easy. maybe, especially when it's not easy.

movies, again

a) this is funny.
b) i've gone through imdb's list of 100 best movies (see?) , now it's time for afi's . . . some, i've seen. some, i own. some, i've only heard of.

1. CITIZEN KANE (1941)
2. CASABLANCA (1942)
3. THE GODFATHER (1972)
4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)
6. THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
7. THE GRADUATE (1967)
8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)
9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)
10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)
11. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
12. SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950)
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)
14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)
15. STAR WARS (1977)
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
18. PSYCHO (1960)
19. CHINATOWN (1974)
20. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)
21. THE GRAPES OF WRATH (1940)
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
23. THE MALTESE FALCON (1941) - read the book, though
24. RAGING BULL (1980)
25. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)
26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)
27. BONNIE AND CLYDE (1967)
28. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
30. THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
31. ANNIE HALL (1977)
32. THE GODFATHER PART II (1974)
33. HIGH NOON (1952)
34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)
35. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969)
37. THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946)
38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
39. DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965)
40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)
41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
42. REAR WINDOW (1954)
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
45. A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951)
46. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48. JAWS (1975)
49. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)
50. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)
51. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY (1940)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)
53. AMADEUS (1984)
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)
55. THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
58. FANTASIA (1940)
59. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)
60. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
61. VERTIGO (1958)
62. TOOTSIE (1982)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)
65. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
66. NETWORK (1976)
67. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962) - saw the remake, though
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953)
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
71. FORREST GUMP (1994)
72. BEN-HUR (1959)
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)
74. THE GOLD RUSH (1925)
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
76. CITY LIGHTS (1931)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
79. THE DEER HUNTER (1978)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
84. FARGO (1996)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)
95. PULP FICTION (1994)
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)
99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)

:-) - it's a smiley(TM)

(::::::[::]::::::) - it's a band-aid(TM)!

i have opinions, see? but it's hard to figure out what to do with them.

wow

an abundance of clarity . . .

i'm sick. food poisoning, maybe.

BUT! maybe not.

that's a terrifying thought.

i'm it . . . but not in a stephen king kind of way

four jobs i've had:
1. receptionist at a spa-type place
2. sandwich artist at subway
3. office help for north york summer music school
4. clown/entertainer for kids' birthday parties
p.s. - i'm serious

four movies i can watch over and over:
1. pride and prejudice - a&e version
2. demolition man
3. thirteen days
4. star trek: first contact

four places i've lived:
1. bucharest, romania
2. peania, greece
3. toronto, ontario
4. calgary, alberta

four t.v. shows i love:
1. friends
2. csi: any version
3. law & order: original or svu
4. simpsons

four places i've vacationed:
1. tenerife, canary islands
2. catskill mountains, new york
3. st. adele, quebec
4. isla mujeres, mexico

four of my favourite dishes:
1. a white one with a pastel rainbow around the rim
2. my shiny black octogonal bowls
3. oh, you mean food? mashed potatoes and steak
4. mandarin chicken salad

four sites i visit daily:
1. hotmail.com
2. rmcmail.com
3. imdb.com
4. this one

four places i'd rather be right now:
1. at home in bed
2. at home on the couch
3. lying under a blanket in the fetal position
4. someplace where the world's not spinning quite so fast

four bloggers i am tagging:
i can't keep track of who's already done this . . . i'm tagging everyone who reads this!