undeserved

sometimes things go really really well for me all of a sudden. not everything is perfect - don't get me wrong. but a lot of things are very good. and i very much like that. and i'm very aware of Whose "fault" it is.

i'm leaving toronto in three and a half weeks. and that's sad, exciting, scary, and encouraging. i wonder what my life would be like if i stayed. if friendships were allowed to deepen and i had to make commitments here - to a faith community, to a school, to a home. i don't live out of a suitcase, and haven't ever, but i'm kinda rootless. at this point i have to wonder what things would be like if i put down deep roots somewhere. here. in calgary. wherever.

in fact, how *can* you make today count without making some commitments . . . at least a few? not just to values and ideals, but to people, i mean.

if i weren't leaving in three weeks . . . what would happen?

unashamed

i stole this from faith. i am ashamed neither of my yoinking tendencies nor of the fact that it's quizzy.

by any other name . . .

1. your rock star name: (pet and current street name)
framm alamosa

2. your movie star name: (grandfather/grandmother on mother's side first name, favorite candy)
maria mars

3. your "fly girl/guy" name: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)
m (to the) apo

4. your detective name: (favorite animal, name of high school)
elephant jackson (that doesn't quite have a ring to it... maybe i'd go by "elly jackson")

5. your soap opera name: (middle name, city where you were born)
alexandra bucharest

6. your opposite sex name: (name of dad/mom, cell phone company you use)
george rogers

7. your star wars name: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
apotiufra

8. your jedi name: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
ardnaxela uitiziv

9. your stage name: (middle name, street you grew up on)
alexandra clovercrest

10. superhero name: ("the", your favorite color, the first thing you see when you look to your left)
the sky-blue tube

p.s. this is a stalker's dream come true. that was a LOT of personal info.

unearthed

exciting news: i talked to foreign guy yesterday!!!!

maybe you're not as thrilled as i am . . . you should work on that.

("lonely" isn't the only thing this summer has been . . . but phone calls are still a welcome change.)

unconscionable

help me understand: why does the nationality of the casualties play a role in one's position on the middle east crisis? a civilian is a civilian is a civilian. if you support a nation's right to defend itself at the expense of civilian lives - which i don't - that support should be independent of who dies in the process.

but i'm sure that those who are pressuring the pm are just as concerned about the other foreign nationals whose lives are at risk, not to mention the innocent lebanese and israelis caught in the cross-fire.

p.s. i watched an old marx brothers movie called "duck soup" the other day . . . it had been years since i last saw it. anyway, the "we're going to war" scene felt morbidly inappropriate. particularly the line about how "all God's children got guns."

undeniable

to paraphrase jon stewart, welcome to world war three.

for reasons passing understanding [read: possibly related to money], rick salutin's excellent article in the globe and mail cannot be found online in its entirety. here's a teaser, to get you started. this article alone is worth the buck you might have to spend on today's paper. trust me on this one.

peruse your newspaper -- ow!
by rick salutin
friday, july 14, 2006

so this is where the "war on terror" has got us. look through your morning paper: gaza, lebanon, iraq, iran, afghanistan, mumbai. it's "crisis overload," squeal the overstimulated tv anchors. how did it happen? i'd say it's a result of treating 9/11 as a supreme menace on its own, rather than largely determined by other factors. i guess that places me among the "root-causes people," a term implying lack of toughness, like vegan or pacifist.

for the record, i believe in treating symptoms, not just causes. but treating a symptom while ignoring its cause is benighted. and pouring resources into treating a symptom while exacerbating its cause(s) -- that is lunatic.

salutin goes on to explain: "i'm hyperventilating because the obsessive focus on terror isn't just a waste of money or a form of dishonesty. it also increases the incidence of terror."

so so worth the read.

p.s. last night, stephen colbert said, "it's true because it rhymes." i'm pretty sure i get royalties.

undone

this isn't something i'm feeling . . . but it's something i've felt. if one can ever say that a feeling is wrong . . . that one was.

and now i'm free.

(pictures from postsecret.)

unquantifiable

"so, how much do you *really* miss calgary, mara?"

"so much that when i passed the 10 volume set of gerhard kittel's theological dictionary of the new testament, i gave it an affectionate caress."

or maybe that just means i'm more of a geek than most of us realized.

edited to add:
never mind . . . i may have given a berenstain bears book a similar affectionate caress. maybe i'm just longing. not because this is so bad, but because in life i just can't seem to have all the good in the same room at the same time. and sometimes that's hard.