don't forget

rewatched most of memento in the last day or so.

---

memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. and memories can be distorted. they're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.

---

just because there are things i don't remember doesn't make my actions meaningless. the world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it?

---

so how... how can i heal? how am i supposed to heal if i can't... feel time?

---

i have to believe in a world outside my own mind. i have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if i can't remember them. i have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. do i believe the world's still there? is it still out there?... yeah. we all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. i'm no different.

---

off the fridge

above this opaque din
is
light
make haste to woo it

i have beauty you know nothing about

sanctify me

i am curiously mortal

lazy here

tempted there

oft questioning

almost melancholy

please

slather on grace

sound friends do seek thee
in this torment
they shalt reach here
ere that fould & loathsome winter is o'er


from the abridged works of miss mobach:
you damn vulgar miscreant torpid boor
your caterwaul deceived the saucy maiden
who elucidated her mind
only to have you cunningly abscond with her herculean love
farewell drunk lover whose acid manner enervates the above woman
thus making thee a pariah
alas methinks he is a villainous man
a cod piece
and so he is too
his perilous death would soon come
but for mercy


from the works of mr. hill:
Leaves blow in the wind.
Trees are green.
Chocolate tastes good.
Steve has character.

Mara talks lots.
Homework awaits.
Spring now fades.
Summer soon dawns.

Think upon these things.

PS
Mara has a crush on every boy. :o

so . . .

some people make me laugh.
some people tell me that being absurd is sometimes wisest.
some people challenge me to fight for truth.
some people make me want to die to self and wealth.

some people hold my hand and love me.

coincidence?

i tired ~ i tried

seems conspiracynesstional to me.

0.428571428571428571...

three of the seven school things for this week are now completed. in 12 hours, at least two more HAVE to be done. ok?

thanks.

i prefer exams to papers, except i love writing. is grad school going to be easier? guess what - heck, no, that's what!

anyway.

i'd like a venti earl grey tea misto with one tea bag, non-fat milk, one pump sugar-free vanilla, one pump sugar-free hazelnut . . . and if i could get it in a cup with a new "the way i see it" on it, that'd be fantastic.

it's yum.

short sentences are what i prefer. either that or really long ones. inbetweeners like this one are a tad banal. i like commas, and oxford commas are my favourites. if favouritism like that is allowed. and even if it isn't.

bite-sized

i love turkey leftovers. let the truth ring around the world!

leftovers, forever!

wish i had headphones right now. but, alas.

jon stewart is someone i admire more than i care to admit. suffice it to say, it's a lot. a LOT.

have headphones now. wishes can come true! and, as a result, ross' blog just got funnier, because there are few things i find as amusing as people swearing at dead philosophers. wish i were kidding, but do me a favour and don't hold your breath for that wish to come true.

"how perfect you are, like my hockey scar". skoch makes me wonder about things. sometimes i think our friendship is too good to be true. it's too easy. it's bound for destruction.

"shed a little light" is stuck in my head, again. maybe i should clarify that it's not a depressing song, but kind of an anthem of hope and reflection. because when i quoted only part of it, that may have been alarming.

oh, let us turn our thoughts today to martin luther king
and recognize that there are ties between us
all men and women, living on the earth
ties of hope and love, sister and brotherhood

you know, that reminds me of a quote from jfk . . . sigh:
for in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. we all breathe the same air. we all cherish our children's future. and we are all mortal.

earth-shattering? perhaps not. but ideas make my heart sing. because they're beautiful, you see. like geometry.

there's a goal i've had for nearly six years that i've only made infinitesimal progress on. that's boo. also boo? sometimes habits i've kicked threaten to make comebacks. as nav would say, that's getting old.

i just got excited wondering what box number i'll have next year. i've moved from #9 to #12 and i'm hoping to get closer to the front end!

addition to my non-negotiables for potential husband-type figure: able to carve a turkey. 'cause, seriously . . .

PS i wish i was a systematic theologian... they're all so cool.

it's all about the love.

another opportunity to tell me what you think about things. aren't those opportunities fun? check this out.

there is a feeling like the clenching of the fist
there is a hunger in the center of the chest
there is a passage through the darkness and the mist
though the body sleeps the heart will never rest

shed a little light, oh Lord
so that we can see
just a little light, oh Lord
gonna stand it on up
stand it up, oh Lord
gonna walk it on down
shed a little light, oh Lord
~aimee mann's cover of james taylor's "shed a little light"

i would dance and be merry
life would be a ding-a-derry
if i only . . . well, you know the rest.

graphic!

this may be more than you wanted to know:

EEN
kevin, i've got augustine, aquinas, plato, aristotle, and kant in my head. in that order. everyone else, who do you think like?

TWEE
waxed my legs for the first time yesterday. turns out, it hurts. but it's probably another one of those rites of passage into authentic womanhood. like preparing a turkey of a dinner. (or a turkey dinner. depending on whether you're paying attention while you're typing.) anyway, i am woman, hear me whimper, etc.

interesting: the instructions actually include the phrase, "proceed confidently." tip-off? maybe.

DRIE
deniss prefers it when i have short entries. deniss, you can stop reading now.

VIER
it's saturday, so south meadows hears from me today.

VIJF
i probably spend too much time blogging.

nothing (coherent) to declare

life is anything but static.
serving makes me happy.
God is better every day (. . . so much for all that "same today as yesterday" business they sell you in sunday school.)
home is where the dishes are.
michelle is wonderful.
mud is beautiful.
maybe i'll work at the library next year.
my hands are dry.
it's easier to clean up after others than it is to clean up after myself.
i'm suspicious of vitamins but maybe i'll start a small business anyway.
i need a place to live.
wet naps are essential.
bubbles are not . . . but they make life better.

bakers dozen parades/stand and debate/out single file/nine in a row/swear if you must/keeping your boots on/float with the now/hot to the touch/concrete underground/cast out everyday/dregs of society/underbelly, inside of me,/rejoice and follow thee

i wanted to get right
with it. with you.
~pearl jam, "get right"

procrastination loves company

ahem.

i feel compelled to supply the world with a report (complete with pictures) of the events of this morning:

i was awakened at 6:45 by my cell phone alarm, and then re-awakened five minutes later by the incessant ringing of our doorbell. the ras were buying everyone (read: the 25 people who got up!) breakfast, so kat and i hurried to get dressed. the wake-up procedure was assisted by me playing "taps" on my euphonium,with mixed success (read: i don't know how to play "taps", actually!)

smitty's not having been warned of their impending doom, we ended up waiting over an hour for food, so i missed ethics class. and, while i heard (from kat, who chose class over breakfast) that the discussion was interesting, i don't know that i mind having missed it. it's been getting on my nerves, and not for the reason ethics classes are supposed to. :)

anyway, i resolved to spend the remainder of the day focussing on my essay on jonathan edwards, whom i adore. (resolution #2: stop falling in love with dead guys. seriously.) BUT i was stolen away from my much-loved essay (which wept bitterly at my departure) and dragged to canadian bible society and pilgrim's. to drool over copies of the septuagint and be inspired to learn hebrew and latin because, well, i think my geek rating may be slipping.

and, can i add, ross and i laughed at deaf people. at least, at their bibles. apart from clarifying that we meant no offense, i refuse to give details, as they might somehow mitigate our behaviour. suffice it to say, it doesn't much matter how we behave in bible bookstores, since everyone else knows about Jesus anyway. and since we only behave ourselves when witnessing is an issue, we're in the clear. phew.

kevin having been kind enough to drop kat and me off at home, i lay down for nap. logical. but it didn't work, despite the fact that i was - and am - exhausted, and i found myself working on my essay for an hour. then i came here, to the computer lab which is my second home. inspired by ross's avatars of his friends, kevin and i proceeded to play for an hour and a half.

so, this is me, kat, ross and kevin. for the record, the ross pic is kevin's creation, and he had every right to be wasting his time making avatars.

unlike myself.

if you're looking for the same kind of fun - and here i'm talking about the avatars, not mocking the deaf or perusing God-related books - go here.

hit me with your best shot!

fire away!

exclusive!

main entry: sac`ra`ment
function: noun
1 a : a Christian rite (as baptism or the eucharist)
that is believed to have been ordained by Christ
and that is held to be a means of divine grace
or to be a sign or symbol of a spiritual reality

i don't know if this falls in the category of ecclesiology or theology, but i've been thinking about communion a lot lately. here are some more (relevant) big words: consubstantiation, transubstantiation, and memorialism. weren't those fun?

---------------
a story:
rochelle and zach were sitting across the aisle from me yesterday when the servers began to pass out the communion elements. she's 8ish, he's 6ish. their mom was chasing after buzz, who is 4ish. i sat with them and realized i didn't know what to do. would it be ok with their mom if they took communion? i know both of the kiddies and they seem to engage sunday school lessons with a heart for understanding God. but it's still not my call, right? since they already had the wafers, i elected to explain the elements and let them decide. i later talked to their mom about it and it all turned out ok. but i was struck: when you're not a kid anymore, when your mom isn't there to make the call, who does?
---------------

while my opinion on the nature of communion itself is definitely under construction, i am beginning to lean toward a more-than-just-a-symbol view of the sacrament. even if that weren't the case, though - even if i firmly held that communion was merely symbolic - i'd still be faced with this question: "what is our role in preserving the significance and power of this sacrament?" the apostle paul teaches that i have a responsibility to treat communion seriously by never partaking unworthily.

but when it comes to what my church's role is, i'm realizing that it all comes down to stewardship: as a faith community, the higher your view of communion, the more you'll want to be careful about what you do with it. so, maybe it's ok - even important - for a church to be discerning about who partakes. (if you disagree, you'll probably supply "discriminating" where i wrote "discerning.")

i don't know where the line is, but there's an important distinction to be maintained between being open to newcomers (on the one hand) and being so seeker friendly that we bend over backward to avoid the appearance of exclusivity (on the other).

---------------
case study #1
sometimes when the tithe is taken up, someone will clarify that visitors shouldn't feel any pressure to give. i hope it's not just a matter of not wanting to offend: this is an appropriate clarification about commitment to a faith community. there are forms of worship which are expected of church members and regular attenders but were never meant to be extended to everyone in the building. tithing is one of them.

case study #2
before i was baptised, i went to several classes on the theology and history of the practice. i wrestled in prayer. and, as i stood in that tank before the congregation, david horsey asked me if i believed and trusted in the saving work of Christ on my behalf. all of that is entirely appropriate if baptism is to be taken seriously.
---------------

however, at a baptism, you don't often have people feeling left out if they don't get dunked. on the other hand, offense is a very real possibility when communion is a part of the service. but if partaking in communion isn't the same as singing or tithing or listening to a sermon or going to a bible study - if it's something more, as i'm beginning to believe - maybe we need to be more wary of offending God by how we treat it.

i'm not claiming that i know of a sensitive way of dealing with this, and i'm certainly nervous about requiring church membership or profession of faith before communion is permitted. but we absolutely need to decide, as individual churches, how we will deal with this issue. and, no matter what we decide, we need to be better teachers.

communion isn't for everyone. not because having an exclusive club is fun, but because we are de facto stewards of the sacraments. and all stewards are held to account.

"i sent an exclusive to every paper in town."
~lina lamont in "singin' in the rain"

the day counting paid off . . .

FIRSTLY: just when you thought we were running low on craaazy things to do online . . . here's one more: think about the 43 goals you have for your life, then post them here. it's amazing (how much time it takes/wastes)!!!! enjoy!

SECONDLY: i went bowling last night dressed in the most ridiculous get-up this side of junior high. (i was a pretty normal/boring dresser in high school.) picture this: black pants, a black-with-white-flowers balloon skirt that barely covers my butt (hence the black pants), a pink long-sleeve shirt under a bright blue tank-top, and a black-pink-bright-blue bandana. also, bowling shoes. 'twas a sight. and it reminded me of one reason why i love kat: she assumes i'm ok with crazy. i don't think she realizes she's pulling teeth. which makes me think that maybe she isn't.

THIRDLY: toronto awaits my arrival on the 14th of may.

FOURTHLY: it feels weird to have a post with no picture . . . but what goes with this?

FIFTHLY: i'm hungry.

SIXTHLY: healing is good. laughter helps, but so do tears: "when i hold love, beauty, life in my hands, i cry for joy. i cry, too, for fear of losing them. it's nice to have things worth crying over. tears aren't so bad."

SEVENTHLY: it's peter's birthday this week. it's also been a month since he last posted.

EIGHTLY: i post on south meadow's blog on saturdays. other wonderful people post on the other days. worth checking out their/our thoughts on lent.

NINTHLY: lark news has cracked the code of determining how evangelical you are!!! take the test now! (it also provided me with a pic to accompany this post!) btw, why isn't there an "e" in ninth?

TENTHLY: i got up a minute ago and, as i walked, realized i was limping. only i could get sore from a 2-hour bowl-a-thon.

ELEVENTHLY: i got up a minute ago to pick up a gift from faith! yay for new cds!

TWELFTHLY: try saying that ten times fast.

THIRTEENTHLY: i really prefer dentyne. but beggars, choosers, etc.

FOURTEENTHLY: i get to go to church tomorrow! i've wanted to do that for nine years, almost! of course, along the way, i have given in to that desire from time to time. tomorrow i succumb, again. there will be talking about God, there will be songs, there will be people i don't know, there will be childen i get to play with, there will be a young adult group i'm beginning to join, there will be dylan and naomi (prolly), and there will be steve. and i like all of those things. :)

FIFTEENTHLY: i've been hungry since well before FIFTHLY. i'll go do something about that now.