nsfw: thoughts on international women's day

disclaimer: this post is not safe for work. i think it deals with the subject matter in an adult fashion, but i'm giving you a heads-up anyway.

on the way home from dinner tonight, there was a drunk/crazy fellow on the bus who kept accusing the guy behind him of being a cocksucker. he said, "i've never sucked a cock. but people like you do."

a few years ago, i was having a conversation with a newly married friend whose views on sex seemed to imply that he equated penetration with domination. when i expressed it that way, he got thoughtful, and then agreed.

there is much, much more to be done when it comes to gender and sexual equality. there is much, much more to be done to combat anti-feminism, misogyny, homophobia, and heterosexism. and i think a big part of that has to do with intentionally turning our backs on a rich tradition of idealizing and honouring the penetrator while denigrating and even pitying the penetrated.

calling someone a cocksucker necessarily makes you both sexist and homophobic. but so does being offended when someone calls you one. at least a little bit. after all, there are only two things that label could possibly imply: woman or gay man. if being called either one makes you defensive or humiliates you - not just because it's factually untrue in your case, but because you equate an attack on your straight manhood with an attack on your value as a human being - then there's something wrong. let's try to fix it.