never let me go reminds me so very much of "the chrysalids" and "mara and dann." i suspect that's to do with the shared sci-fi-esque atmosphere and the friendship - so strong and so delicate - between a boy and a girl. but this particular book is more about . . . oh, so many things. i can't even . . . yeah, maybe i shouldn't have even written about this, because i don't know what to say.
it's like when you meet someone and really see the ugly sides of him, as well as the lovely ones. you sort of have to sit back afterward, don't you? you have to ask yourself, "is this someone i want in my life at all?" that takes time to answer, i imagine. and i've just finished up ishiguro's novel an hour ago. so, unsurprisingly, i don't know if i recommend it. unless you're into squinting.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
cold as ice
as you are undoubtedly aware, toronto is a multi-culti city, by no means a homogenous monolith. heck, no! as a corollary, coolness can be achieved through one of a multitude of ways. find out if you are, in fact, toronto-cool by answering the quiz questions below:
1) i drink a) loose leaf tea and fair trade coffee b) starbucks coffee which i grind at home
2) my newspaper of choice is a) now b) the national post
3) my clothing style is best described as a) bohemian b) business cas... even when i'm hanging out around my house
4) when i do laundry a) i don't put anything through the dryer b) i dry clean almost everything
5) my charity of choice is a) amnesty international b) my rrsp
6) my mode of transportation is a) riding my bike b) driving my smart car
7) for exercise a) i go for runs along the rivers b) i have a personal trainer
8) when it comes to cooking a) my ethnic dishes universally impress b) unless grinding my coffee counts...
9) i have a dog-eared copy of a) "no logo" by naomi klein b) this month's issue of o magazine
10) symbolic relationships: a) the hotdog vendors in my area know me by name b) i have my therapist on speed-dial
11) i vote a) ndp/green/marijuana party b) liberal/liberal/liberal
12) i have a love/hate relationship with being called a a) hippie b) yuppie
you are cool if and only if: your answers were all (a) OR your answers were all (b).
in other words, in this case, you cannot simply choose a little of column a and a little of column b. there are two paths to toronto-cool, but they're 100% mutually exclusive. either hot or cold is cool . . . but there just ain't room for lukewarm.
1) i drink a) loose leaf tea and fair trade coffee b) starbucks coffee which i grind at home
2) my newspaper of choice is a) now b) the national post
3) my clothing style is best described as a) bohemian b) business cas... even when i'm hanging out around my house
4) when i do laundry a) i don't put anything through the dryer b) i dry clean almost everything
5) my charity of choice is a) amnesty international b) my rrsp
6) my mode of transportation is a) riding my bike b) driving my smart car
7) for exercise a) i go for runs along the rivers b) i have a personal trainer
8) when it comes to cooking a) my ethnic dishes universally impress b) unless grinding my coffee counts...
9) i have a dog-eared copy of a) "no logo" by naomi klein b) this month's issue of o magazine
10) symbolic relationships: a) the hotdog vendors in my area know me by name b) i have my therapist on speed-dial
11) i vote a) ndp/green/marijuana party b) liberal/liberal/liberal
12) i have a love/hate relationship with being called a a) hippie b) yuppie
you are cool if and only if: your answers were all (a) OR your answers were all (b).
in other words, in this case, you cannot simply choose a little of column a and a little of column b. there are two paths to toronto-cool, but they're 100% mutually exclusive. either hot or cold is cool . . . but there just ain't room for lukewarm.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
odd duck
fyi: i am that kid at the back of the class who tirelessly strives to dominate classroom discussions. yes, that's me. please refrain from hurling stones my way.
read the following, s'il te plait . . . and when you're done, do yourself a favour and get the whole story.
The priest first read a condensed lesson of sacred history. Felicite evoked Paradise, the Flood, the Tower of Babel, the blazing cities, the dying nations, the shattered idols; and out of this she developed a great respect for the Almighty and a great fear of His wrath. Then, when she had listened to the Passion, she wept. Why had they crucified Him who loved little children, nourished the people, made the blind see, and who, out of humility, had wished to be born among the poor, in a stable? The sowings, the harvests, the wine-presses, all those familiar things which the Scriptures mention, formed a part of her life; the word of God sanctified them; and she loved the lambs with increased tenderness for the sake of the Lamb, and the doves because of the Holy Ghost.
She found it hard, however, to think of the latter as a person, for was it not a bird, a flame, and sometimes only a breath? Perhaps it is its light that at night hovers over swamps, its breath that propels the clouds, its voice that renders church-bells harmonious. And Felicite worshipped devoutly, while enjoying the coolness and the stillness of the church.
As for the dogma, she could not understand it and did not even try. The priest discoursed, the children recited, and she went to sleep, only to awaken with a start when they were leaving the church and their wooden shoes clattered on the stone pavement.
In this way, she learned her catechism, her religious education having been neglected in her youth; and thenceforth she imitated all Virginia's religious practices, fasted when she did, and went to confession with her. At the Corpus-Christi Day they both decorated an altar.
~from gustave flaubert, a simple soul
felicite's is a moving story of devotion, but i just wanted to highlight a particular aspect of her faith for you now: she felt and thought deeply about theology, wrestling with profound questions about the nature of divinity, among other concerns. but she had neither the time nor the inclination to dabble with dogma or doctrine.
theology, not dogma. wonder, not recitation. awe, not analysis. that's my kind of worship.
read the following, s'il te plait . . . and when you're done, do yourself a favour and get the whole story.
The priest first read a condensed lesson of sacred history. Felicite evoked Paradise, the Flood, the Tower of Babel, the blazing cities, the dying nations, the shattered idols; and out of this she developed a great respect for the Almighty and a great fear of His wrath. Then, when she had listened to the Passion, she wept. Why had they crucified Him who loved little children, nourished the people, made the blind see, and who, out of humility, had wished to be born among the poor, in a stable? The sowings, the harvests, the wine-presses, all those familiar things which the Scriptures mention, formed a part of her life; the word of God sanctified them; and she loved the lambs with increased tenderness for the sake of the Lamb, and the doves because of the Holy Ghost.
She found it hard, however, to think of the latter as a person, for was it not a bird, a flame, and sometimes only a breath? Perhaps it is its light that at night hovers over swamps, its breath that propels the clouds, its voice that renders church-bells harmonious. And Felicite worshipped devoutly, while enjoying the coolness and the stillness of the church.
As for the dogma, she could not understand it and did not even try. The priest discoursed, the children recited, and she went to sleep, only to awaken with a start when they were leaving the church and their wooden shoes clattered on the stone pavement.
In this way, she learned her catechism, her religious education having been neglected in her youth; and thenceforth she imitated all Virginia's religious practices, fasted when she did, and went to confession with her. At the Corpus-Christi Day they both decorated an altar.
~from gustave flaubert, a simple soul
felicite's is a moving story of devotion, but i just wanted to highlight a particular aspect of her faith for you now: she felt and thought deeply about theology, wrestling with profound questions about the nature of divinity, among other concerns. but she had neither the time nor the inclination to dabble with dogma or doctrine.
theology, not dogma. wonder, not recitation. awe, not analysis. that's my kind of worship.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
not the glass windows
this from adventures in odyssey: "true friends don't take a week off." kinda love that.
sometimes the things that are supposed to make you happy . . . don't. if "you" is me, then "you" get sad and frustrated. and (potentially) cry at the mall. if there's one thing i know how to do, it's ruin an afternoon with my mommy - who, for the record, is wonderful.
sometimes the things that are supposed to make you happy . . . don't. if "you" is me, then "you" get sad and frustrated. and (potentially) cry at the mall. if there's one thing i know how to do, it's ruin an afternoon with my mommy - who, for the record, is wonderful.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
confessions [and some conclusions]
confession #1: when i'm walking down the street and i throw something into a garbage bin, i often pretend that i'm a spy somehow sending a secret message.
conclusion: i have watched way too many episodes of "alias."
confession #2: i often judge books by their covers, movies by the trailers before them, and people by the books on their shelves, cds in their stereo, and links on their blogs.
conclusion: i'm too lazy to experience things - i want to make up my mind as fast as possible.
confession #3: i really hate it when i get no comments on a post. a lot.
conclusion: i want to know that this isn't meaningless, and apparently meaning is contingent on external affirmation.
confession #4: seeing "the da vinci code" last night upset me more than i thought it would.
conclusion: lies infuriate me, particularly when most people won't take the trouble of finding out the truth.
confession #5: sometimes i think i could fall for a guy solely on the basis of his intelligent and witty contributions to classroom discussions. even if he sat rows and rows in front of me, and i never saw his face.
conclusion: maybe g.mango was right - maybe i would get married for the conversation.
conclusion: i have watched way too many episodes of "alias."
confession #2: i often judge books by their covers, movies by the trailers before them, and people by the books on their shelves, cds in their stereo, and links on their blogs.
conclusion: i'm too lazy to experience things - i want to make up my mind as fast as possible.
confession #3: i really hate it when i get no comments on a post. a lot.
conclusion: i want to know that this isn't meaningless, and apparently meaning is contingent on external affirmation.
confession #4: seeing "the da vinci code" last night upset me more than i thought it would.
conclusion: lies infuriate me, particularly when most people won't take the trouble of finding out the truth.
confession #5: sometimes i think i could fall for a guy solely on the basis of his intelligent and witty contributions to classroom discussions. even if he sat rows and rows in front of me, and i never saw his face.
conclusion: maybe g.mango was right - maybe i would get married for the conversation.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
no, not chronos
"later," my mom whispered to me, "when it's not raining, can we go to the ravine and jump?"
"we will," i smiled. and i meant it.
"i'm sure you have changed since high school. . . i mean, you know greek now."
i buried my head in the pillow.
she insisted i take a sweater with me to the party. in her most motherly tone - that synergy of sincere concern and unshakeable authority - she forecast that it would certainly be too cold by the time i came home.
"how perfect you are, like my hockey scar"
~divided, "you tell me"
we left high school 6 years ago - monica, heather, zeina, natalie, saloni, thuy, and i - and now we are: a drama teacher, a law school student, a soon-to-be architect (working for a firm my dad was with for many years), a masters art student (finishing her thesis), an accounts manager for an ad agency, a software checker (soon moving to vancouver), and a me.
"raise your hands high in the air
'cause you never really know what's gonna come from there."
~james lancaster, "pop pop da shotgun"
we desperately want to believe that we still know each other. yet, somehow, the idea that we are all still the same is as offensive as it is comforting.
"and does not God permit love, since He surrounds it with such visible splendor?"
~maupassant, "clair de lune"
will the rain ever stop? will we even remember to jump?
you know what? maybe it's simply too late for philosophy.
"we will," i smiled. and i meant it.
"i'm sure you have changed since high school. . . i mean, you know greek now."
i buried my head in the pillow.
she insisted i take a sweater with me to the party. in her most motherly tone - that synergy of sincere concern and unshakeable authority - she forecast that it would certainly be too cold by the time i came home.
"how perfect you are, like my hockey scar"
~divided, "you tell me"
we left high school 6 years ago - monica, heather, zeina, natalie, saloni, thuy, and i - and now we are: a drama teacher, a law school student, a soon-to-be architect (working for a firm my dad was with for many years), a masters art student (finishing her thesis), an accounts manager for an ad agency, a software checker (soon moving to vancouver), and a me.
"raise your hands high in the air
'cause you never really know what's gonna come from there."
~james lancaster, "pop pop da shotgun"
we desperately want to believe that we still know each other. yet, somehow, the idea that we are all still the same is as offensive as it is comforting.
"and does not God permit love, since He surrounds it with such visible splendor?"
~maupassant, "clair de lune"
will the rain ever stop? will we even remember to jump?
you know what? maybe it's simply too late for philosophy.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
today's inbox
living water for the soul:
the LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
~psalm 34:18
word of the day:
cerebrate \SAIR-uh-brayt\ verb
to use the mind; to think
heart & mind: what a pair.
do me a favour? fight against false dichotomies every day of your life.
the LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
~psalm 34:18
word of the day:
cerebrate \SAIR-uh-brayt\ verb
to use the mind; to think
heart & mind: what a pair.
do me a favour? fight against false dichotomies every day of your life.
Monday, May 15, 2006
in no particular order . . .
g. mango hosted me last week . . . even though she never actually invited me to travel to vancouver, take over her bedroom, and eat her food, she was very nice about indulging me. also, she gave me a hug. just the one. i'm trying to make it last, like, a year. but that's looking . . . hard.
while visiting with the abovementioned mango, i had opportunity - for the second week in a row, mind you! - to pretend that i'm a grown woman. by which i mean, i cooked and cleaned and felt good about it. don't even call me sexist 'cause i'll knock you out faster than you can say "glazed carrots and asian asparagus on a bed of rice." anyway, i loved it and might even consider tossing out the whole grad school idea for a permanent "taking care of someone"-type role.
speaking of which, saw regent and vst last week, seeing mcmaster later this month. i'm asking questions like "ma or mdiv?" and "how much experience with traditional forms of ministry do i want to have before i commit myself to academia?" and "why am i so scared of people?" and such. i don't have to figure this out until next year, but please do start praying now. all of you. DO IT!!!
ahem.
ross, don't get too excited about your recent increase in hits. i keep going back to your little blog to listen to taking back sunday, whom i apparently love. even when they're just singing the word "miami" over and over again. who knew? also, i check up on kat's status each time. and if you wrote something, you know, personal, i'd read that, too.
i love my mommy and my sissy and i like my sissy's boyfriend. these are good things. also, strawberries and ice cream. also, sleep.
about that . . .
while visiting with the abovementioned mango, i had opportunity - for the second week in a row, mind you! - to pretend that i'm a grown woman. by which i mean, i cooked and cleaned and felt good about it. don't even call me sexist 'cause i'll knock you out faster than you can say "glazed carrots and asian asparagus on a bed of rice." anyway, i loved it and might even consider tossing out the whole grad school idea for a permanent "taking care of someone"-type role.
speaking of which, saw regent and vst last week, seeing mcmaster later this month. i'm asking questions like "ma or mdiv?" and "how much experience with traditional forms of ministry do i want to have before i commit myself to academia?" and "why am i so scared of people?" and such. i don't have to figure this out until next year, but please do start praying now. all of you. DO IT!!!
ahem.
ross, don't get too excited about your recent increase in hits. i keep going back to your little blog to listen to taking back sunday, whom i apparently love. even when they're just singing the word "miami" over and over again. who knew? also, i check up on kat's status each time. and if you wrote something, you know, personal, i'd read that, too.
i love my mommy and my sissy and i like my sissy's boyfriend. these are good things. also, strawberries and ice cream. also, sleep.
about that . . .
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
i'm ly-ing (but it's all true)
previously on "mara's summer adventures - 2006 edition":
- expectedly: cried
- plane-ly: watched "what not to wear" sans volume
- zillion-times-ly: lamented that i only really got to know lysa and danielle in the last two weeks
- kinda unexpectedly: went to victoria via bc ferry!
- apparently: now quote scott (eg: "life is easy") all the time
- sadly: left my res staff photo mug on bc ferry
- surprisingly: met a guy who listens to the beach boys, the beatles, and smashing pumpkins, and cooks breakfast for his sister and her friends (they do exist.)
- constantly: tell stories about kat
- annoyingly: am unable to pass a street sign without commenting ("i once had a prof named chambers . . . hey, brentwood is the area of calgary that i lived in . . . earl haig is on empress in toronto")
- affectionately: passed a street called "wesley place" and thought about what good care janet is going to offer my favourite dog in the world
- future-ly: helped walk dogs (chase and stella) and reflected on whether i'll ever have real ones (no offense, wesley!)
- unsurprisingly: quote steve (eg: "the books stay open") all the time
- timely: thought much about real pain and real struggles, recognizing yet again that my own drama is so . . . teeny
- chattily: talked with my bestest human friend, nellie-o, who (i am relieved to report) isn't tired of me yet
- currently: reading "catcher in the rye" because . . . sigh.
- expectedly: cried
- plane-ly: watched "what not to wear" sans volume
- zillion-times-ly: lamented that i only really got to know lysa and danielle in the last two weeks
- kinda unexpectedly: went to victoria via bc ferry!
- apparently: now quote scott (eg: "life is easy") all the time
- sadly: left my res staff photo mug on bc ferry
- surprisingly: met a guy who listens to the beach boys, the beatles, and smashing pumpkins, and cooks breakfast for his sister and her friends (they do exist.)
- constantly: tell stories about kat
- annoyingly: am unable to pass a street sign without commenting ("i once had a prof named chambers . . . hey, brentwood is the area of calgary that i lived in . . . earl haig is on empress in toronto")
- affectionately: passed a street called "wesley place" and thought about what good care janet is going to offer my favourite dog in the world
- future-ly: helped walk dogs (chase and stella) and reflected on whether i'll ever have real ones (no offense, wesley!)
- unsurprisingly: quote steve (eg: "the books stay open") all the time
- timely: thought much about real pain and real struggles, recognizing yet again that my own drama is so . . . teeny
- chattily: talked with my bestest human friend, nellie-o, who (i am relieved to report) isn't tired of me yet
- currently: reading "catcher in the rye" because . . . sigh.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
text
to one: sometimes there is too much pain. not in my life, but in everyone else's, it seems. God help us.
to two: how do you have anything left to give when so much has been taken away? i am amazed, filled with joy. you bring Him glory when you give.
from three: Life Is Maybe Not As Scary As I Thought.
maybe text messaging isn't just for "CU@3?" or "call me l8r" . . .
to two: how do you have anything left to give when so much has been taken away? i am amazed, filled with joy. you bring Him glory when you give.
from three: Life Is Maybe Not As Scary As I Thought.
maybe text messaging isn't just for "CU@3?" or "call me l8r" . . .
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
kiss me, i'm an icon!
let me say, first of all, that it is entirely possible that the theology department has gone too far. (and by that i mean a handful of the theology majors - not the department itself.) our humble excuses, as far as i can surmise/invent, are these:point the first:
studying theology is diametrically opposed to having fun neither in theory nor in practice.
point the second:
most of us are looking forward to at least another five years of graduate work in theology (that's after at least four years at rocky) . . . so we need to have fun with it, lest we lose all interest.
point the third:
if you had three friends who discretely dressed up as roublev's trinity icon for the christmas banquet, and your last name were apostol, wouldn't you be tempted?!
point the fourth:
ross is talented and clearly has way too much time on his hands. imagine what he'd do with that if he weren't touching up photos to turn them into icons! we're really just taking one for the team.
point the fifth:
we want to be the "sexy" department - that was for you, kevin - so controversy is an absolute must.
point the sixth:
apparently, we were just getting started when we mocked bibles for the deaf.
bringing the mystery and scandal back,
for the sake of the Church
and to the glory of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
~the dead theologians society
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