robert frost(ing)

for this month's mystery box cupcake challenge, i honour the one-hundred and thirty-seventh birthday of robert frost, whose poetry has inspired and haunted me. it even made its way into my high school yearbook write-up.

whose cakes these are i think i know.
his bakery's in the village though;
he will not see me stopping here
to watch his cakes fill up with snow.


my filigree must think it queer
to stop without some fondant near,
between the trees and frosted cake,
the darkest chocolate of the year.


he gives his fragile limbs a shake
and some of them begin to break
the only other sound's the sweep
of easy mint and sugar flake.


the cupcake's lovely, dark, and deep,
but i have promises to keep,
and miles to go before i sleep.
and miles to go before i sleep.

the winner of march’s mystery box cupcake challenge will receive prizes from:

• Angela's Images; a selection of handmade crafts
• Bake It Pretty; a $5 online gift card
• Beanilla; a $7 online gift card
• Miss Kitty Creations; a handmade cupcake charm of your choice
• Simply Caked; 600 brown greaseproof cupcake liners
• Sweet Cuppin Cakes; a $5 online gift card
• Tundra Books; a selection of 3 very sweet children's books

Thank you to all our prize sponsors!

lsat 101: conditional statements

welcome to lsat 101!

today we'll be covering conditional statements. consider the following:

if it rains, i will bring an umbrella.
this means that if you see me without an umbrella, it must not have rained. let's symbolize that:

rain -> umbrella
~umbrella -> ~rain

now this one:

"only experts can recognize a phony work of art."
that means that *if* you can recognize a phony, *then* you must be an expert.

recognize phony -> expert
~expert -> ~recognize phony

now, if you're like me, you watch "glee."
(like m -> watch "glee")

and this week they sang "only the good die young"
if you're even more like me, you immediately think of the conditional statement this billy joel tune implies:

die young -> good
~good -> ~die young

three gifts

i eaves-read another person's book on the subway today and was inspired by this question: "what three values would you most want to instill in your children?"

the first one that sprang to mind was generosity. dr. mark greene's dying words to his daughter, rachel, were: "be generous. with your time. with your love. with your life... be generous, always."



i kind of want those to be my first words to my children.

curiosity: the world is a wonder, and when i catch myself less than in awe, i know i am in trouble. i don't want my children to be often in that kind of trouble.

integrity: even when it's all you've got, it can keep you warm at night.

what would you give?

2421 sunrises and sunsets

welcome to my 500th post! this milestone will be commemorated with a nod to the main genres of blogpost we have seen here at "can you hear the sound of laughter..."

the mundane (yet somehow bizarre):
i was just stung by a bee in my basement. at just after midnight. while i was trying to iron my shirt. on my left ring toe. no - i wasn't trying to iron my shirt on my toe... that's just where the bee stung me. this probably means i'm in for a feverish dream.

the momentous:
today i graduate for the fourth time in my life, and officially add the letters "m.a." to the end of my name - instead of just the beginning. there's an awful lot of hard work buried in those two little letters! finishing things is so good!

the miraculous:
michelle and idris are joining my parents in the audience at the convocation ceremony, and all four of them are making significant sacrifices to be there. i am loved, and i know it.

the mmmm:
there will be caramel crunch cake and champagne when we come home tonight! yum and sigh.

the musing:
what's next?

how to succeed at pub trivia - an introduction

i need feedback on this lesson, please!
----------------------------------------

before you can hope to succeed at pub trivia, you must first understand what success means in a pub trivia context. now, there may be some people who show up to a bar on a weeknight with no intention of answering any questions correctly. and there may well be others who will refuse to accept "gangster's paradise" as the title of coolio's song from "dangerous minds" because, actually, it's "gangsta's paradise." but the vast majority of attendees strive for an evening that is filled with lots of check marks in their answer booklets and plenty of fun with friends.

in short, success at pub trivia means having fun and getting questions right.

1) your team: you will be spending about two hours huddled over an answer booklet with two or three teammates. remember: the more well-rounded your team is, the more likely it is that you'll be able to handle questions on such diverse subjects as history, sports, pop culture, language, geography, and religion. on the other hand, you will be spending two hours with these people! recruit a team that is defined by camaraderie, diversity, and an ability to resolve conflict quickly.

speaking of teams, which north american cities have more that one major league baseball team?

2) your prep: read the newspaper, browse wikipedia, play sporcle, and watch "the simpsons," if you enjoy doing those things already, but remember that the point of pub trivia is to make use of the seemingly useless - hence trivial - facts your brain has clung onto. ideally, playing the game makes you more curious and more present to the mundane details of everyday life. it does not require you to pursue an additional degree.

speaking of research, the library in alexandria is the oldest in the world, but it is no longer active. in which country would you find the oldest active library in the world?

3) your answers: talk it out with your team, but err on the side of going with your gut instinct. if you get it wrong, you get it wrong. but if you ignore your instinct and it turns out that instinct was right, it may ruin your evening.

speaking of your gut, crohn's disease was first documented not by the american gastroenterologist from whom it takes its name but in 1904 by a surgeon from which european country?

4) your guesses: there will often come a time when neither your collective knowledge bank nor deductive reasoning produces an answer in which your team is confident. usually, there's no penalty for guessing, so here are my tips for that. mara-approved guesses come in two species: a) wild and b) tame.

a) the wild guess is so crazy that whoever is marking your booklet might think you were joking. on the other hand, if it turns out you are randomly right, your grader will be very impressed
b) the tame guess, while possibly wrong, will never inspire anyone to judge you or assume you are an ill-informed twit. if it's about a female american poet, and you have no idea, you might as well guess emily dickinson.

speaking of questions requiring a guess, what is halle berry's middle name?

my third and fourth points demonstrate that there's a close relationship between the two prongs of the pub trivia fork: it's hard to have fun when you keep kicking yourself for not going with your gut or when your ego is bruised. follow my tips and you'll prevent those catastrophes.

what you must remember, however, is that it is possible to have fun even when you don't win. in the final analysis, there are no tricks to getting every answer right. as my mentor in pub trivia once said, "there's no such thing as easy questions or hard questions - there are only answers you know and answers you don't." succeeding at pub trivia means allowing yourself to celebrate the answers you knew and the answers you pulled out of the air... and being surrounded by people who won't dwell on the answers you missed.

highlight the following to find out the answers to the trivia questions!

1) there are three such cities: the los angeles angels of anaheim and dodgers, the new york mets and yankees, and the chicago cubs and white sox.

2) egypt - st. catherine’s monastery in the sinai is home to the oldest active library in the world!

3) poland - his name was antoni lesniowski

4) halle - her first name is maria.

thesised!

my thesis was due yesterday... and i submitted it on friday! woo-hoo! i've already found things to correct, but i'm ok with that.

here's my foreword, in case any of you find that sort of thing interesting :-)

In the weeks before the first draft of this thesis was submitted, a senior Canadian diplomat, formerly assigned to Afghanistan, made some startling allegations. Robert Colvin claimed that in 2006 and 2007 he had tried to inform his government that suspects apprehended by Canadian forces and handed over to Afghani authorities were likely being tortured. These allegations spurred a political circus, a parsing of memos sent by Colvin to his superiors, and denials by high-ranking generals. In the face of their own potential complicity in the torture of Afghani citizens, Canadians responded in a variety of ways. On 30 November 2009, one letter to the editor of the Globe and Mail implied that the quotidian lives of Canadians had nothing to do with those of Taliban collaborators. “What a non-issue,” wrote Gordon Friedrich.

Here, forty years later, was a descendant of so many men and women I had encountered in the pages of the United Church Observer and The Canadian Mennonite. While the academic stakes of this project are described in its formal introduction, the ideology implicit in that Globe letter compels me to reflect on the practical impact of my work.

The Vietnam War invited all Canadians to consider the degree to which their seemingly innocuous actions constituted complicity in the assault of vulnerable people. One need not be a Christian to grasp that our common human experience binds us to one another. Even apart from that fundamental spiritual kinship, however, we now have extraordinary grounds for leading lives defined by extraordinary compassion. We live in a complex eco-political network, and our interconnectedness refuses to be dismissed as the figment of a sentimental imagination; it is an undeniable reality, documented by copious paper-trails.

As voters, as tax-payers, as inventors and proliferators of goods and ideas, and as consumers, our decisions cause not ripples but tidal waves throughout the world and, for the first time, we can track them. The advent of modern telecommunications has given us access to an unprecedented volume of information about one another, at an unprecedented speed. None of us can lay claim to innocence on the grounds that we are ignorant: more than at any other time in the history of our species, we in the developed world are equipped to understand the suffering of others and our complicity therein. As a result, the very definition of “neighbour” has dramatically changed.

By documenting the moral crises Canadians underwent during the Vietnam War, I hope to move the discussion forward, so that as we redefine “neighbour,” we may also redefine our politics.

can't believe the news today

apart from a brief mention of my disappointment with the possibility that our military might have enabled afghani authorities to torture suspected terrorists (read: random people), i haven't talked a lot about international affairs lately.  i want to take a minute to mention what happened on friday.

on 29 january 2010, around 9:45 est, the supreme court of canada handed down its ruling on the omar khadr case. this young man has been held by american authorities since he was fifteen. he is canadian-born, but was taken to afghanistan by his father at the age of 11. four years later, in 2002, during a skirmish with american forces in afghanistan, he was shot and then allegedly threw a hand grenade, killing an american soldier. (that soldier had medical training, so this is often reported as the murder of an american medic.)

since he has been in guantanamo, khadr has been tortured. the canadian government, under both the liberals and the conservatives, has been mostly silent on the matter. they did go and interrogate him early on, while he was victim to the "frequent flyer" program - being shifted from room to room every few hours so that you can't actually sleep. ever. so, when canada was involved, it tacitly endorsed the treatment he was receiving.

given the fact that he has been held for seven years *without trial*, it should come as no surprise that there has been a movement to seek khadr's repatriation. his lawyers are, of course, part of that movement. intervening in the case on his behalf were:

amnesty international, human rights watch, the university of toronto faculty of law, international human rights program, david asper centre for constitutional rights, canadian coalition for the rights of children, justice for children and youth, british columbia civil liberties association, criminal lawyers' association, canadian bar association, lawyers without borders canada, barreau du quebec, group d'etude en droits et libertes de la faculte de droit de l'universite laval, canadian civil liberties association, and national council for the protection of canadians abroad.

all bleeding hearts? i think not.

the issue is complicated: does a fifteen-year-old qualify as a child soldier when war hasn't been declared and when he's not wearing a uniform? will khadr face trial if he is repatriated? is it within the scc's jurisdiction to intervene in "foreign affairs"?

on friday, the supreme court of canada held that khadr's charge against the canadian government was sound:

"Canada actively participated in a process contrary to its international human rights obligations and contributed to K’s ongoing detention so as to deprive him of his right to liberty and security of the person, guaranteed by s. 7 of the Charter, not in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice...There is a sufficient connection between the government’s participation in the illegal process and the deprivation of K’s liberty and security of the person.  While the U.S. is the primary source of the deprivation, it is reasonable to infer from the uncontradicted evidence before the Court that the statements taken by Canadian officials are contributing to K’s continued detention.  The deprivation of K’s right to liberty and security of the person is not in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice.  The interrogation of a youth detained without access to counsel, to elicit statements about serious criminal charges while knowing that the youth had been subjected to sleep deprivation and while knowing that the fruits of the interrogations would be shared with the prosecutors, offends the most basic Canadian standards about the treatment of detained youth suspects."

(the full decision can be found here! i urge you to read it!)

i have seen several troubling things happen in my country over the last few years. our prime minister pretends to be "tough on crime" and does what he can to take away judges' discretion. for instance, he advocated for minimum sentences in child molestation cases. when some people (i.e. the bloc quebecois) disagreed with him, he used *government funds* to paint them as pedophile sympathizers. never mind that lots of legal authorities have problems with the whole idea of minimum sentences!

harper has also undermined judges' discretion by introducing "truth in sentencing" legislation. judges would no longer be permitted to give (up to) 2-for-1 credit for time already served while awaiting trial. this is time that *alleged* criminals spend in *crowded, unsanitary* conditions, while they are *presumed innocent.* one of the functions of the 2-for-1 credit is to create a powerful disincentive for prosecutorial stalling. it helps ensure a speedy(ish) trial - a right guaranteed to all those charged under canadian law.

but, no.

also, maybe the state has the right to seek out your internet browsing history without a warrant.

also, maybe csis can tap your lawyer's phones and monitor your calls.

also, we may or may not have been involved in the torture of afghanis... but it doesn't really matter.

i don't recognize us anymore! when g.w. bush was re-elected, i was agog. if we let the same thing happen, i will actually weep. but i feel like this shouldn't have to wait until an election, you know? somehow, we have to care enough about justice today.

only... how?

(photo from theglobeandmail.com)

education causes cancer, but only in women

tonight i attended greg mortenson's lecture at the the toronto reference library. for an hour or so, he talked about how he started his pennies for peace initiative, which builds schools in afghanistan and pakistan. (here's an article about his ongoing work!) he emphasized the impact educating children can have on a community, and came back again and again to the importance of giving girls in particular access to schooling.

this wasn't brand new to me. campaigns like because i am a girl also make the argument that "when you educate a boy, you educate an individual; when you educate a girl, you educate a community" (african proverb cited by mortenson tonight).

in the part of the world in which mortenson is investing, this plays out in at least one amazing way: educated women are less likely to grant their sons permission to join tribal gangs or terrorist cells. because their culture is built around the importance of a mother's blessing, educating girls will have a marked impact on the recruitment of young men into such enterprises. yay!

but here's what really grabbed me by the (proverbial) collar and shook me: mortenson said that the education of girls in bangladesh coincided with a drop from 8 births per woman to 2.8 births per woman, over her lifetime. actually, he claimed that it caused the drop.

again, this wasn't earth-shattering by itself. there are a couple of options here: either this education includes some information about birth control, or educated women get married later (if at all) and pursue careers alongside child-rearing, or a (liberalized) community that values the education of girls doesn't tend to treat women like baby-makers... or (my guess) some combination thereof. education and industrialization/ urbanization go hand in hand and i suspect that the latter always lead to smaller families.

the thing is... cancer. i've been reading malcolm gladwell's what the dog saw, which is a collection of his best essays (according to him) from the new yorker. between insights into the clairol/l'oreal hair-dye market and an investigation into dog whispering (the title of the book came from the latter) is john rock's error,which describes the limitations of the birth control pill, the impact of modern medicine and lifestyles on female physiology, and the danger of too many periods.

yes, dangers. see, because today's woman starts menstruating earlier than ever before and spends fewer years of their lives pregnant or breastfeeding than ever before, she ends up ovulating many, many more times than her ancestors did. like 400 times, compared to 100. one result seems to be an increased risk of ovarian cancer, endometriosis, endometrial cancer, and other "below the belt" diseases.

simply put, both ovulation and the preparation of the uterus for pregnancy are processes which involve cell division. the more division, the higher the statistical probability of something going wrong... and cell division gone wrong is a loose definition of cancer. studies suggest that each full-term pregnancy reduces a woman's chance of ovarian cancer by 10%. when taken over a long period of time, birth control pills also go a long way to protecting against some of the perils of modern life.*

there's a lot behind this argument, and i encourage you to read gladwell's piece on this, if you have a chance. (the whole thing is available at the link above!) but the bottom line is this: a society in which women are educated is one in which they tend to menstruate much more often... and in which they will therefore be at far greater risk of developing cancer.

all things being the same, that average bangladeshi woman was about 41% less likely to develop ovarian cancer when she was having eight kids.

so this is the inconvenient truth: our biology is not only confused, but also endangered, by our self-made destiny.


* because the birth control pill suppresses ovulation but still leads to a period, the risk of endometrial cancer is not much diminished. read gladwell's fascinating piece to find out why the stupid 28-day cycle was maintained by the co-inventor of the pill, john rock.

fa la la la la!

out with the old year,
in with the new!
january's nearly here,
december's nearly through!
though we don't know where the time has flown,
it obviously flew... so

out with the old year,
out with the old year,
out with the old year,
in with the new!

fa la la la lalalalala,
fa la la la la!

~"out with the old year," from the "adventures in odyssey" christmas album

christmas gift (w)rap

it's christmas eve and woe is me,
gotta do some shoppin' in a big hurry,
gotta make a list, gotta check it twice,
gotta read the ads, gotta ask advice
better start right now, better start today,
gonna be in trouble if i delay,
just look outside at all that snow,
got the christmas spirit
HO HO HO!

gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop -
shop-doo-op!

look in my wallet, what do i see,
empty space staring back at me.
check my pockets, news is bad,
can't go shoppin' 'til i talk to dad.
ask him nice for a little loan,
some collateral to call my own,
then FA LA LA, i'm out of here,
to spread a little christmas cheer!

gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop -
shop-doo-op!

how 'bout a watch for my brother bob,
he's always late for his downtown job,
a fruitcake for my aunt eileen,
she's a REAL fruitcake if you know what i mean,
there's mom and dad, and uncle smitty,
and all those cousins in kansas city,
the list gets longer, every day,
jing-jing-jingle, i'm on my way!

gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop -
shop-doo-op!

hurry home to wrap and tie,
st. nick will be here by and by,
pile those presents on the floor,
light the tree and lock the door,
tiptoe off to fall in bed,
sugarplums dancing in my head,
can't wait 'til christmas comes, but then
i can't wait 'til i go shopping again!

gotta shop, shop,

gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop, shop,
gotta shop -
shop-doo-op!



~ huron street public school christmas pageant, 1991

corina and i can still recite most of this by heart :)

10

this song popped up on my ipod the other day and i was struck by how well it described the way i felt about god, particularly toward the end of those ten years...



these parts especially resonated:

i sang your songs, i danced your dance
i gave your friends all a chance
but putting up with them
wasn't worth never having you*...

well, if i was in your position
i'd put down all my ammunition
i'd wonder why'd it'd taken me so long

but lord knows that i'm not you
and if i was, i wouldn't be so cruel
'cause waitin' on love ain't so easy to do

(*not in a blanket sense. but, yes, this resonates profoundly)

the music video makes me wonder whether i'd like to turn back time. and in many ways, i would. my life would be very different if i hadn't begun attending church in 1997. my career path, my family life, my friendships. but maybe i'm better for having arrived here the way i did. maybe it's ok to go down some painful paths, because otherwise you'd always be wondering about them. plus, i have met some wonderful people and learned some crucial lessons along the way.

in fact, i know i'm more compassionate to those who disagree with me than i used to be. maybe that just comes with growing up and caring less about "winning." or maybe spending ten years thinking a lot about character and integrity and sacrifice and kindness and truth and beauty has been good for my soul. so it's not so much about regret as... cutting my losses.

d. and i are speaking again, which is to say that he's arguing with me again. and i now realize what my sister was talking about when she said, "all christians seem to care about is whether i'm a christian." again, a blanket statement, so not quite accurate. but still... it hints at something real. and silly. and even a little painful.

there are a few things i'm an evangelist for: lars and the real girl, asparagus, chick peas, the west wing, toronto's ravines, and some social justice issues. but i hope i always, always care more about the people i'm talking to than i do about being right.

o is for otta-otta wa-wa

there really isn't enough internet ink to describe my "weekend" in ottawa. i was there for a mennonite central committee student seminar - pursuing security in an insecure world.

aside from the formal agenda, there was time to eat sushi with heather, look for a dress for corina's wedding (no luck!), gawk at ice sculptures, try my first beavertail, enjoy a good steak, and catch up with mel for the first time in nearly two years! the weekend was jam-packed and wonderful, apart from snow bullets, puddles, bitter wind, and the fact that the tv in our room stopped working after i watched american's best dance crew.

but back to the seminar... it covered food security, poverty in canada, principles of non-violence, and restorative justice. we ate butter chicken and shawarma and chatted about khadr, fair trade, and obamamania. i was offended by the candy sold at the war museum's gift shop and the elevator broke while we were in the peace tower on parliament hill. there was a lot in there to think about, but i'll just share three:

one: a long trek through the snow led us to the war museum, where we wandered independently, at our own pace. on the way to the four galleries, there's a display of photographs depicting battlefields from the first world war. they're downright brilliant - the colours, the clarity, the composition. and this deeply disturbed me. when i take photos of nancy, kevin, michael, and pat, they often don't turn out very well. it's hard to capture on (digital) film the beauty i see in my friends at l'arche, because that beauty isn't always aesthetic. by contrast, these battlefields - the sites of countless bloody, torturous deaths - were absolutely, even devastatingly, gorgeous. the irony was almost palpable.

two: finally, something occurred to me at the war museum as well as during the tour of parliament, after we'd spent a little time in the memorial chamber. my thought was, is there room for expansion? has the museum set aside space for a gallery devoted to future wars? where will the names of the 108 soldiers who have died in afghanistan go?

there's something deeply disturbing about the need to make room for reminders of future death and devestation. that question's been haunting me. maybe in a good way.

three: the last gallery in the museum is a catch-all, covering everything since world war ii. one creative display featured music videos of some songs addressing the cold war: genesis, u2, elton john, the scorpions, and so on. who knew that the final countdown was not so much about magic tricks as it was about mutually assured destruction? (wait... given gob's mad skillz, those two might not be so different.)



another of the songs on the list was nena's 99 luftballoons. the (english) lyrics are super - all the more so if you've read the backstory.

n is for nightmare

over the last few months, my dreams have gotten more vivid. they've always been pretty weird, but they've become more detailed and memorable. and emotional.

a couple of nights ago, i couldn't sleep because of a bad storm - my windows are pretty lousy, and the wind made an enormous racket. i lay awake for about two hours, holding wesley close and fighting to find slumber again... but i also had a lot on my mind, and the coincidence of storms within and without left me sleepless.

since then my sleep's been quite shallow. (i know this because elements of "the west wing" have snuck in, which means i could hear the dvds playing on my laptop.) i've decided to avoid naps from now on because they leave me grouchy and throw off my clock even more.

last night, i dreamt that a bunch of us were being held at gunpoint in my parents' house. i managed to sneak away and kept trying to call 911 as i ran down the snowy road toward the main street. i misdialed. my fingers fumbled, my cellphone locked. it rang and rang and no one picked up. i begged the people i passed to get help, but they waved me off.

i was simply overcome with helplessness and anxiety. how overcome? well, this morning i found mystery bruises. also, one of my teeth is slightly chipped. my desire for genuine rest is taking a turn for the desperate.

she's talking in her sleep -
it's keepin' me awake,
and anna begins to toss and turn,
and every word is nonsense, but i understand...
~ counting crows, "anna begins"

i is for irony

there are episodes of the west wing that are inextricably linked to episodes in my own life. i started watching the show during the summer before the second season. the first episode i ever saw was celestial navigation. i missed the first hour of the brilliant season premiere (in the shadow of two gunmen), and came home waiting for the second hour to finish, so i could watch the tape from beginning to end. that was my first year in university, and i never missed a night. often, my family would watch with me.

between the second and third seasons, along with the tragedy of 9/11, my family imploded. i remember watching isaac and ishmael at the mcarthurs', shortly after we had moved in. having people over to our apartment to watch the women of qumar. calling ildiko and screaming in her ear after commencement.

between the fourth and fifth seasons, i moved to alberta. while sleeping on the couch in front of angie's computer, i dreamt about zoey bartlet's abduction. i stopped watching on a regular basis after aaron sorkin and thomas schlamme left the show, but read about it once in a while. finally, in 2007, i bought all seven seasons on dvd. i'm often in the process of rewatching them in order.

the last episode i watched with my family was two cathedrals. i don't remember who else was there, but i know dad was. it's a very emotional episode: in the wake of a devestating personal loss, president bartlet reveals to the world that he has had an undisclosed disease for eight years. in the mix, he ponders re-election and questions his faith.

two scenes especially stand out: first, bartlet standing in the midst of national cathedral, cursing God in latin. second, bartlet making his way from the white house, post-revelation, to the press conference. dire straits plays "brothers in arms" in the background, and the faces of the staffers remind us how much is riding on the question he will undoubtedly be asked by reporters: will you be seeking a second term?

my dad and i debated the pseudo-cliffhanger in may. by the time it was resolved in late september, we were no longer watching together.

the reasons why my family imploded weren't simple. and the last eight years have been a long process of healing without talking about it. at first, some of the reasons just weren't a point of friction anymore. then, surprisingly, some of the reasons simply ceased to exist.

we were actually talking about that on the way home from dinner last night. just me and dad. i said, "i'm not sure how it happened, and i didn't plan on it happening." we pulled into the driveway and he elbowed me playfully. "well, i'm glad it did."

i don't know if i'm glad it happened. i don't really know what's happening at all. but as we watched "the west wing" later that night - the few episodes i'd brought with me simply because they were next - i was consumed by the irony of watching bartlet curse in latin and listening to dire straits... with my dad. again.

these mist covered mountains
are a home now for me
but my home is the lowlands
and always will be
some day you'll return to
your valleys and your farms
and you'll no longer burn
to be brothers in arms
~ dire straits

p.s. i gave dad that irony shirt a while ago... he has iron issues.

g is (taken) for granted

following my recent laptop catastrophe/calamity/tragedy, gepetto and i held hands and proceded through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) with grace and humour. it's been a difficult process, but we've leaned on each other and have great hope that the healing will continue.

but scars will remain, and one of the most marked is the now defunct letter g. consider: it's right there, in the middle of keyboard, begging to be used! and so very many participles rely on it! i can't even call gepetto's name without it!

the irony is that i have been teased for my pronunication of (hard) g's on more than one occasion, and since this catastrophic and calamitous tragedy, my class notes and emails have resembled a southern hymnbook.

so, in memory of my recent loss, i offer a brief (and by no means comprehensive) list of other things i take for granted, in the hopes that by naming them now they won't decide to crap out on me in the spirit of that immortal principle: "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."

- big yellow taxis
- the letter x, the key for which is also not working
- the shift+f7 (the thesaurus function) which has helped me avoid that letter while enhancing my vocabulary
- platelets and white blood cells. (all blood cells, really, but those white ones have been doing a bang-up job lately!) i'm a klutz of sorts, and have really put these little guys to work over the years: overtime, called back from holidays, you name it.
- music
- forgiveness. a handful of people in my life have been very, very kind to me, tolerating more than they should have, because they had hope for me. and loved me. and were capable of giving, even in their hurt.
- equality. i've never actually felt discriminated against for being a woman or an immigrant... and i'm realizing the degree to which my experience is a function of the particular time and place in which i live. it's quite crazy. and humbling.
- time
- colours. especially blue, green, and persimmon. and purple. they feel like beauty to me.
- money. it's always come, somehow or other.
- literacy
- bobby pins. i rarely reuse one, because i'm quite careless about putting them away when i take them out... also, i destroy them. it's a nervous habit.
- today

friendship

"As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake.

And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more...

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."
~2009

"In your hands, my dissatisfied fellow-countrymen, and not in mine, is the momentous issue of civil war. The Government will not assail you. You can have no conflict without being yourselves the aggressors....

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."
~1861

manifesto

and one day we will die
and our ashes will fly
from the aeroplane over the sea
but for now we are young
let us lay in the sun
and count every beautiful thing we can see
love to be
in the arms of all i'm keeping here with me
~neutral milk hotel

(thanks, paul)

sound bites

overheard at a southasian new year's eve party in just-barely-scarborough, ontario...

monica>> happy halloween! i mean--

---

pictionary team captain>> ok, i choose mara!
pritim>> yo, that's good, man... choose people who can speak english.

---

me>> white people have feelings, too, you know!

and now, the first five songs of 2009 (minus the music at last night's party)
1) où aller où? - tiken jah fakoly
et puis je me souviens
que dans cet ouragan
on m’a tendu la main
mais elle portait des gants

2) happy boys and happy girls - aqua
i don't want to waste my time on simple little things
i'd rather stay here all the night with everyone who sings!
happy boys and happy girls, we'll be
we are the happy boys and girls
happy boys and happy girls, we'll be
so happy!

3) say it right - nelly furtado
from my mouth
i could sing you
another brick
that i laid

4) in the light - dc talk
honesty becomes me
(there's nothing left to lose)

5) the bare necessities - phil harris
and don't spend your time lookin' around
for something you want
that can't be found.
when you find out you can live without it
and go along, not thinking about it,
i'll tell you something true:
the bare necessities of life will come to you!

do you see why i don't argue with jiminy (my ipod)?

together

"... most mathematicians don't like to be lonely, and they have trouble staying excited about a subject, even if they are personally making progress, unless they have colleagues who share their excitement."

~william p. thurston

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

seriously. wow.

p.s. two choice quotes from that blog:
"i was 32 when i started cooking; up until then, i just ate."
~ miss julia child

"you never forget a beautiful thing that you have made. even after you eat it, it stays with you - always."
~ julia's instructor, chef bugnard