"in case anyone wants to know...

the stars are white, the sky is black, and the moon isn't out..."
[cue quiet scramble]

i don't even remember who said it, you know?

but i remember lying on that wooden dock, the sound of the lake sneaking up between the cracks, with (what seemed like) the entire starry universe spread above. and i remember being ready to drop whatever i was doing to get back there.

greg house says...

"if the wonder is gone when the truth is known, there never was any wonder."
(4x8 - "you don't want to know")

an elegant little proof

the best things happen while you're dancing:
things that you would not do at home come naturally on the floor.
for dancing soon becomes romancing,
when you hold a girl in your arms that you've never held before.

even guys with two left feet
come out alright if the girl is sweet -
if by chance their cheeks should meet
while dancing.

proving that the best things happen while you dance...

q.e.d.

(danny kaye, "white christmas")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZXYYfHICSc

"could you be just a little more jewish?"

that's how danny phrased it when he asked matt to live in the moment (studio 60 on the sunset strip). maybe i'm getting back to my ashkenazi roots.

standing on my tippy-toes in georgian bay, i propped nancy up. her shoulders leaned against mine as her legs floated toward the horizon. only the occasional wave interrupted her laughter. the gurgling was just as sweet, though.


it was the most fun i'd ever had with her. actually, it ranks pretty high on my list of recent joyful moments. and that's at least partly because i didn't extrapolate.

back when i was at camp, i'd enjoy every little bit of being around kids: the creativity it demanded, the humour, the spontaneity, the license to act silly. but a part of me always leaned forward. it sighed and said, "i can't wait 'til i can do this with my own kids."

in the water with nancy, i knew there were parallels to parenting. but, to be honest, i was too busy loving that moment to think past it. being right there was just so very good.

tonight i'm remembering other instances of being present: the last year has brought suds fights with alice, chats with kevin, pat's cat imitation, my first time helping doris and rosie, touching foreheads with mr. goto, breaking bad news to sandi, building furniture with mike. countless hugs and laughs that all meld together now but at the time were each worlds in themselves.

it's not that l'arche is magical, you know. i'm finding it easier to just be in other areas of my life, too. to open my eyes and heart and just let life show me. to experience meaning instead of trying to manufacture it.

to let my legs float toward the horizon as i lean back, trusting that i won't sink.

"a single moment in time can be a universe in itself, full of powerful forces. most people aren't aware enough of the now to even notice."
(st:insurrection)

"wish you were here"

i once heard an uber-cheesy song about how this guy can't seem to enjoy a sunset or a groovy song or life itself, 'cause he has no one to share it with. and the point of the song, i think, is he's apologizing to beauty and goodness for his stubborn refusal to appreciate them on their own merits. it's one of those, "damn, i've been letting my whiny singleness poison my life, and i should maybe stop that" type ditties. it's a surprisingly sparsely-populated genre.

so, a lot of times, amazing experiences in life make me wish someone was there. sometimes a genericsomeone, sometimes a genericspecialsomeone, but most often specificsomeones. liiiike, "wow, corina would just love this..." or "if mon were here she'd be laughing her ass off!" or "what would ross think of this, i wonder?".... or what have you. i think that's cool, to a point. i like that my travels don't divorce me from the people i care about. they're a part of my world where'er i may go.

in "shall we dance?", susan saradon says that people get married because they want a witness to their lives. i think that goes for tight friendships, too. and i think it's beautiful, really... as long as secret moments endure. i think they can, you know? i have great hope. because i keep experiencing things i want to treasure in my heart and not wear on my sleeve. things i couldn't talk about even if i wanted to. things that wink at me as they defy my camera lens. flashes of light and glimpses of grace. goodness and beauty that demand to be appreciated on their own merits. they are not empoverished by your absence... not the way i used to think, anyway.

so, you witnesses of my existence, know that your role has changed. you are vital to me, not because you lend legitimacy to this little life of mine, but because you bring new light in. because you are good and beautiful, and your presence is a joy to me.

*that's* why i wish you were here.

no play-by-play

but here are some highlights from my recent trip to italy and romania:
- spent three five-hour chunks walking around rome
- lived with a l'arche community in nearby ciampino: ate, danced, and played
- sampled good eats (see this album)
- finished reading "how proust can change your life"
- pondered religious art, tourism, beauty, and democracy
- thought a lot about expectations and disappointment, particularly with reference to caravaggio
- stood in the same room as a two works by caravaggio and didn't pass out
- reignited friendships with jann arden, miranda stone, and great big sea... all canadian artists!
- was so very grateful i'd taken french in school
- discussed mysticism on the spanish steps (and made a guy nearly swoon by vaguely knowing who urs von balthazar is... thanks, steve!)
- tried buffallo mozzarella which - it had never occurred to me before! - comes from buffallo milk
- benefitted from the kindness of strangers on countless occasions
- discovered just how lacy the italian coast is - it's a mess of curves!
- got sunburned
- got caked with sea salt, straight out of the sea
- pilgrimaged back to bucharest
- reunited with old friends
- danced with dad... and contemplated dance lessons
- laughed so, so, so much
- renewed my appreciation for a room with four walls and a door!
- started reading just war theory stuff
- travelled by plane, train, metro, busses of different lengths and heights, cars and vans, motor boat, skybridge, funicular, teleferique, airport shuttle, teeny elevator, and foot... sadly, no scooters this time
- can't wait to go back

see also this, this, this, and that.

travelling tips:
- have a plan
- be ready to abandon it
- consider wearing a wedding ring
- don't try too hard to understand popular tourism... it makes no sense.
- cobblestone is slippery when wet
- talk to strangers
- watch out for little dogs or you might kick them by mistake
- don't let cab drivers treat you like crap
- take the time to sit and listen
- sunrise/sunset are wonderful times of day. make a point of noticing.
- having a dog escort home at midnight is more amusing than confidence-inspiring, but it's still way better than nothing
- know enough of the language to be able to tell people you can't speak it
- spend more time experiencing than you do recording experiences

a truth stumbled on

beauty is found when the good is neither elusive not illusory.
few moments meet both conditions.
but they are worth waiting for.