fair is fair

i don't eat most chocolate because about 90% of cocoa isn't fair trade, and that's brutal. so, when i was reading people's lists of their food weaknesses, i realized i can't list chocolate anymore. i discovered a principle - in this case, social justice - that made it impossible for me to indulge the way i used to.

why am i not bound by some principle involving my health? why can't i be fair to myself?

just one

there was this one time that william booth wanted to send a telegram to all his salvation army folk all over the world. but, you know, it's the army, so there wasn't a lot of money kicking around. he decided to send a one word message.

what would you send?

you talkin' to me?

m: everything i'm reading rings so true...
m: mmmmmaybe you're orthodox-with-a-capital-o?
m: yeah, ok. but do i have to attend an orthodox church as a result?
m: why wouldn't you?
m: yo, i don't know... there's something holdin' me back...
m: what might that be?
m: being alone? i don't know anyone else in the orthodox church in hamilton.
m: dude, do you know *anyone* in hamilton?
m: fair point.
m: thanks.
m: you so smaht!
m: me think so, too!

"salvation is not looked at within orthodoxy as either an in or out position, but a journey into God..." ~timothy copple

run, don't walk

steve and i saw this last night.
then i went home and read the book again.
and i don't want to get over it.
some times there are great seasons to cry. :)

p.s. it was also clean monday yesterday, which was harder on my heart than i expected. wilderness can only ever be embraced if there's real hope of something better on the other side. so, here's hoping.

as for the terrors ahead - for he did not fool himself that they were all behind him - well, you just have to stand up to your fear and not let it squeeze you white. right, leslie? right.

don't tell anyone

there will always be sad secrets to tell and to hear. maybe the reason i keep checking every week is that sometimes there are secrets that feel true, even though i don't understand them at all.

it's forgiveness sunday, the beginning of great lent. traditionally, i should ask those close to me to "forgive me, a sinner." they should respond, "God forgives." i don't know how to ask forgiveness from people who don't seem to think it's important, but it still seems crucial to ask, instead of just saying i'm sorry.

to us, as children of adam and eve, God also gives opportunities to ask for forgiveness, as adam and eve should have done. He gives us the sacrament of confession. confession does not exist because God wants to know what we have done or left undone. He already knows that . . .

God does not need our confession, but we do.
~ from here

stumbling home

after tony the beat poet says something profound, donald miller says, it was obvious that something beautiful and true had hit the table with a thud (118).

that's how i feel about orthodoxy with a capital o. and, despite the fact that sometimes the thud is so loud that i pull away, i'm slowly heading back in that direction.

monday is the first day of great lent. after a year of having people question my motives all over the place, it's nice to know i do it, too: the lenten fast means my eating will change drastically for the next forty days or so. i know the real reason i'm doing this, but it doesn't take a genius to realize that there'll be health benefits in the process. how do i keep that from entering into the equation? it sucks that sometimes there are selfish reasons to do good things.

so, i've been thinking: maybe the first thing i'm supposed to learn is that only God can sanctify my will.

and maybe the second thing is that this - not just lent, but life itself - isn't about self-control or self-talk. it's about submission.

aflame

firefighters came today, because i am the worst stove-minder of all time. but i got a firefighter pin. and lungs fullish of smoke. and dinner out with jen to make up for the burnt smell in the house. so, horray for pasta primavera and it's forgiveness-inducing properties!

fyi, ryan gosling is so wonderful.