over the last few months, my dreams have gotten more vivid. they've always been pretty weird, but they've become more detailed and memorable. and emotional.
a couple of nights ago, i couldn't sleep because of a bad storm - my windows are pretty lousy, and the wind made an enormous racket. i lay awake for about two hours, holding wesley close and fighting to find slumber again... but i also had a lot on my mind, and the coincidence of storms within and without left me sleepless.
since then my sleep's been quite shallow. (i know this because elements of "the west wing" have snuck in, which means i could hear the dvds playing on my laptop.) i've decided to avoid naps from now on because they leave me grouchy and throw off my clock even more.
last night, i dreamt that a bunch of us were being held at gunpoint in my parents' house. i managed to sneak away and kept trying to call 911 as i ran down the snowy road toward the main street. i misdialed. my fingers fumbled, my cellphone locked. it rang and rang and no one picked up. i begged the people i passed to get help, but they waved me off.
i was simply overcome with helplessness and anxiety. how overcome? well, this morning i found mystery bruises. also, one of my teeth is slightly chipped. my desire for genuine rest is taking a turn for the desperate.
she's talking in her sleep -
it's keepin' me awake,
and anna begins to toss and turn,
and every word is nonsense, but i understand...
~ counting crows, "anna begins"
4 comments:
Why do you think you've been like this? What kind of stresses have been entering into your life?
Are you serious about the bruises and chipped tooth???????
C~
indeed, i am in earnest. there only a couple of bruises, though. and the tooth doesn't hurt.
a lot of it has been worrying about the future: some research i'm doing, money, moving, finding work, essentially leaving l'arche.
but i'm happy to report that - even though it lasted less than seven hours - my sleep last night was very good!
I know it's easier said than done - but take it one step at a time. It also doesn't hurt to create an actual plan documenting the different goals and steps you want to take in the coming year(s). Good luck! :-)
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