safe

when i was about nine i had a pretty bad nightmare. i got kicked out of swimming class for talking too much, so i went back to the changeroom... only there was a man there and he locked the door. he didn't touch me - the dream didn't get that far - but the terror was still overwhelming. and when i screamed it just bounced off the walls and no one in the swimming pool could hear me or help me.

eighteen years later, i still remember his slight but powerful silhouette, the sound this piece of metal made when he scraped it across the floor and then rammed it under the door, the way the blue tiles looked as my voice visibly and helplessly ricocheted.

and i remember that when i woke up, it was the middle of the night and i was so very upset. so scared. and you let me crawl into bed with you.

i love you so much.