unspeakable, maybe.

i don't think i understand joy.

i'm alone.

i'm broke.

i'm tired.

i'm useless.

i'm lost.

i fell down and ripped my pants.

whatever joy is . . . i can't see it. i can't feel it.

joy may not be the only thing that's unspeakable . . . this kind of crappiness is pretty hard to describe, too.