offend someone today . . .

. . . at least you'll know you're doing something.

also, start reading larknews, 'cause i simply can't quote all the funny stories for you. but here's one:

church celebrates fifty years of peace through irrelevance
cincinnati - rolling hills christian church has spent fifty years diligently cultivating a good neighbor image, and this week they celebrated their spiritual irrelevance and moral acquiescence with a sunday morning festival.

"we get along perfectly with everybody in the community," said pastor james doheny before climbing into the dunk tank. "peace is our value of choice."
during the celebration the mayor lauded the church for being "a friend of the entire city."

"there's not one negative thing that could be said about this church, and the citizens of cincinnati appreciate that," he said.

doheny thanked the congregation through tears, and promised to lead the church toward "fifty more years of benign accommodation."

go and do likewise. or, you know, not.

men, etc.

are you a manly man? (listen to bradley's elaboration on what that might mean. it's funny. and good.)

my mom: the first two men were the wrong three men.

me: so, math is fun.

arwen

"you don't have to put a sword in her hand to make her strong"
~l.t.

savage

what did the words exactly mean? he only half knew. but their magic was strong and went on rumbling in his head, and somehow it was as though he had never really hated p before; never really hated him because he had never been able to say how much he hated him. but now he had these words, these words like drums and singing and magic . . . they gave him a reason for hating p; and they made his hatred more real; they even made p himself more real..

~~~

one of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punshments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies.

~~~

we haven't any use for old things here.
even when they're beautiful?
particularly when they're beautiful..

~~~

Christianity without tears - that what soma is..

~~~

we prefer to do things comfortably.

but i don't want comfort. i want God, i want poetry, i want real danger, i want freedom, i want goodness. i want sin.

in fact, you're claiming the right to be unhappy.

all right, then, i'm claiming the right to be unhappy.

not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind.

[there was a long silence]

i claim them all.

today . . .

. . . has been a long time coming. well, here we are at last.

matchmaker

for anyone who hasn't seen scope's new fresh breath counts campaign yet, check out this ad. this sounds like the guy for me.

maramath for beginners

mara + bbqing = quasi-disaster
frodo + sam = tumnus + lucy = mara almost crying
mara + more than a little pain = whiney baby
mommy + daddy + mara + ravine/boardwalk = good walks
bugs + hair = no fun
mara - procrastination = 0
mara = kevin = lots of excuses
mara + amy = excellent catch-up chat
mara + justin = intense gin games