this just in

a few minutes ago, i was 24 years old . . .
297 months old
1,290 weeks old
9,030 days old
216,727 hours old
13,003,200 minutes old
780,192,000 seconds old
give or take.

lately i've been inventing a lot of terrible hypothetical dilemmas. well, a lot of "which is worse?"-type questions. which reminds me of "so i married an axe murderer":

---

tony: okay, i got another one! what's worse: the cable goes out and you're left with synchronized swimming, or . . .
charlie: okay . . . or, you're stuck on the bay bridge in traffic and you've just had two strong cups of coffee and three bran muffins.
harriet: no, wait. i have a good one. what's worse? you go to a restaurant, your favourite restaurant, order your favourite meal, take a bite . . . and under the steak is a scabby band-aid. all: or . . .
susan: or . . . or . . . being electrocuted.
tony: and?
susan: that's it. i was electrocuted once. it was horrible.
harriet: oh, well, that's . . .
tony: that's a crying shame.
charlie: can we get our check, please? thanks a lot. (pause) electrocuted.

---

i like steak. (hold the band-aid)

wow.

so, i resigned from my job . . . which i won't talk about in detail here. but, turns out, that makes six staff members who won't be finishing the year.

so, yikes.

so, pray?

my new hero: st. benedict

bet that title would not impress him too much. perhaps i should have thought that through . . .

alas, i don't know where the [<-backspace] is on this keyboard. maybe it got deleted.

despite my apparent silliness, i'm actually not kidding about my new-found appreciation of the founder of the benedictines. here is a neat snippet on lenten fasting:

fast from judging others; feast on the Christ dwelling in them.
fast from emphasis on differences; feast on the unity of life.
fast from apparent darkness; feast on the reality of light.
fast from thoughts of illness; feast on the healing power of God.
fast from words that pollute; feast on phrases that purify.
fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.
fast from anger; feast on patience.
fast from pessimism; feast on optimism.
fast from worry; feast on divine order.
fast from complaining; feast on appreciation.
fast from negatives; feast on affirmatives.
fast from unrelenting pressure; feast on unceasing prayer.
fast from hostility; feast on nonresistance.
fast from bitterness; feast on forgiveness.
fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.
fast from personal anxiety; feast on eternal truth.
fast from facts that depress; feast on verities that uplift.
fast from discouragements; feast on hope.
fast from lethargy; feast on enthusiasm.
fast from thoughts that weaken; feast on promises that inspire.
fast from shadows of sorrow; feast on the sunlight of serenity.
fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence.
fast from problems that overwhelm; feast on prayer that undergirds.
from a benedictine website as quoted in the tablet, 3 march 2001, p325 (via jonny baker) posted by steve on south meadow's blog

attention, g.mango: prepare to roll your eyes

"so . . . what is love? good night."
~ message from a friend, received late late on valentine's night

"i don't know exactly what it is, but it's what i want to offer you, always. good night."
~ reply to a friend, late late on valentine's night

prof. mealey talks a lot about how romance isn't what love is all about. how the best marriages are partnerships between the best people. and there is choice and sacrifice and so on involved. it's not all fun and games, folks.

steve mentioned a couple weeks ago that many romantic comedies implicitly argue that marriage is true love's greatest nemesis. seriously, almost all of meg ryan's movies involve her leaving one guy for the love of her life. granted, we can have false starts, realizing only later that we're settling. but the number of broken engagements and marriages that are celebrated in film is deplorable. that's right: deplorable!

real love, of course, is when a man fights for my family's honour (fitzwilliam darcy) or patiently waits for me, hoping that the fool i'm with won't hurt me (christopher brandon) or whatever the case may be.

and for all that . . . really, g.mango, i wouldn't get married just for the conversation. may have blogged on that before, but i can't find it now. see, i rather like the passionate side of things. cold, calculated commitment doesn't thrill me. i want the passion - not drama, mind you, but passion. warmth and mystery and that fear that comes with being vulnerable and that irrational protectiveness and a wee bit of "you make me melt" . . . sigh. so, i want real love that inspires those feelings.

it's wonderful to think that i won't have to choose between passion and commitment. i want both, and i will never settle for less.

(fyi, in case it's not apparent, on this particular day i'm wishing that would happen soon.)

"i really do want world peace"

some coincidences are almost too crazy to handle: in one of my more contemplative moments, i reflected on gracie hart/freebush and her transformation in "miss congeniality." utterly inspired, i decided to give my next blog entry the title above. then, while reading cheniese's most recent post, i found this pic. how strange.

also, as steve pointed out, timmy's roll-up-the-rim and lent began on the same day! hmmmm . . . conspiracy? i think so! (seriously, maybe i should pray for canadians who gave up caffeine for lent . . .)

but what i really want to say is this: before our midterm yesterday, our greek class was talking about the ethics of marrying someone so he/she can stay in the country. the question that arose was: "which is worse, marrying someone of the same sex for that purpose, or marrying someone of the opposite sex for that purpose?" if you know me, you know where i stood. thoughts?

earworms

i often wonder how i get songs stuck in my head. according to one study on so-called earworms, if you hear a scrap of a song, but not the entirety, there's a terrifyingly high chance that it will haunt you for the rest of the day. which does nothing to explain why i've had "girl, you'll be a woman soon" in my head all day. looked up the lyrics . . . and, i'm really not sure what that's about.

lent: giving up white noise. putting away movies and cds - they're only for social time, working out, or those special moments when i need entertainment. i mean, not just to fill up time or distract me from work. and, more importantly, not just to drown out the silence. i want to learn to be comfortable with silence. ack!

nav reminded me of this beautiful description of love:
"when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know that your name is safe in their mouth." ~billy, age 4

kata fil

fil suggested that either i "should always, always say 'word', or never again. one of the two." for the record, i don't think i've actually said 'word' more than a dozen times in my life (at least, not in the watch-out-i'm-using-cool-lingo-here-folks sense). but i write it. and will probably continue to do so. i also use "yo" in writing. 'cause it's fun.

elsewhere, as fil would say, thumbs down: breakdown imminent; frustration and disappointment at an all-time high; prayer appreciated.