instead . . .

instead of resenting the fact that God has to use strangers to encourage me instead of those closest to me, i'm going to be grateful that He shows me His faithfulness in such unexpected ways.

and! oh, and my mom called *me* for advice on how to deal with a thing with corini! she called me for comfort and direction! dude, i'm going to cry!!!!!!

life is so weird. but i can hear the laughter from the other side.

teena reminded me . . .

i should journal. so here goes.

i'm tired of worrying. i'm tired of screwing up and being poor and being lonely and being sad and being tired. i'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of struggling. i'm tired of hearing "God will provide" when no one in my life seems to want to be God's way of doing that. i'm tired of sleepless nights. i'm tired of crying. i'm tired of bottling up. i'm tired. i'm tired. i'm tired!!!!!

i made a friend

i did! i did! well, we'll see . . . but at twenty-two and a third, am i supposed to be this excited?!

between tears

"why is He doing this to me?! . . . no . . . no, He's not doing this to me. He has a plan . . . . you know who i'm talking about, right?"

i'm sorry, did you just say God had a plan? YOU believe that?

how, then , do i dare doubt it?

i am gainfully employed . . . no pain, no gain

i can't believe the SHIT i have to go through to get a fucking loaf of BREAD! [click]


neither can i.

i'm so sorry.

please, it's not that i don't want to help.
it's not that i don't believe that you need it . . .
or that your kids deserve it . . .
or that you love them.

i know you do.

i wish i could help. i want to help. i don't know how, though.

so how about i wade through the shit with you?

i'm not obsessed, i'm pre-occupied

i watch a lot of "the west wing." it's true. i like the show. sometimes i even agree with what they're saying. i care about the characters, and i like how they interact. when along the way did we decide that television was *necessarily* dumber than books? people analyze books to bits. have you ever been to pemberley.com?

:P

thot

there are a lot of things to get excited about in life - so much to be happy about, so much to look forward to, so much to celebrate.

there are also a lot of causes worthy of our attention and our action - so many wounds to heal, so many tears to wipe away.

but not one of those wonderful things measures up to the love of God, and not one of those needs approaches the world's need to know that love.

so it only makes sense that no other celebration or duty can ever compare to the worship of the One who loves us most.