no joke!

i just took the emode test about my Christmas theme song.
no joke, the result was:


O Holy Night

Holiday parties and gift giving are great, but you honor the true meaning of Christmas, too. Tradition is probably important to you - whether you find it in religion or in your family's annual rites of passage. In fact, it's your spiritual center that might direct your social calendar - making sure you never miss the annual pageant, make the time to spend with loved ones, or just set some moments aside to enjoy that feel-good holiday cheer. These are the sorts of things that take precedence for you during the season.

Sure you like a good gift and love the feeling of giving someone the perfect present. But let everyone else work up a sweat at the shopping malls. You're working on quality time with those who mean the most. And if you keep at it, that lesson will probably rub off on those around you. So if loved ones need a gentle reminder of what the holidays are really about, why not share your theme song with them? Whether you're tied to its message or not, its gentle, powerful, "O holy night, the stars are brightly shining . . . " is sure to get them where it counts.

advice

love him, pray for him, but block him!

that was justin's advice on what to do with dear, dear mark. it's so hard with that boy. he's so immature, so ARGHHHH!!!!

yikes.

instead . . .

instead of resenting the fact that God has to use strangers to encourage me instead of those closest to me, i'm going to be grateful that He shows me His faithfulness in such unexpected ways.

and! oh, and my mom called *me* for advice on how to deal with a thing with corini! she called me for comfort and direction! dude, i'm going to cry!!!!!!

life is so weird. but i can hear the laughter from the other side.

teena reminded me . . .

i should journal. so here goes.

i'm tired of worrying. i'm tired of screwing up and being poor and being lonely and being sad and being tired. i'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of struggling. i'm tired of hearing "God will provide" when no one in my life seems to want to be God's way of doing that. i'm tired of sleepless nights. i'm tired of crying. i'm tired of bottling up. i'm tired. i'm tired. i'm tired!!!!!

i made a friend

i did! i did! well, we'll see . . . but at twenty-two and a third, am i supposed to be this excited?!

between tears

"why is He doing this to me?! . . . no . . . no, He's not doing this to me. He has a plan . . . . you know who i'm talking about, right?"

i'm sorry, did you just say God had a plan? YOU believe that?

how, then , do i dare doubt it?

i am gainfully employed . . . no pain, no gain

i can't believe the SHIT i have to go through to get a fucking loaf of BREAD! [click]


neither can i.

i'm so sorry.

please, it's not that i don't want to help.
it's not that i don't believe that you need it . . .
or that your kids deserve it . . .
or that you love them.

i know you do.

i wish i could help. i want to help. i don't know how, though.

so how about i wade through the shit with you?