i is for irony

there are episodes of the west wing that are inextricably linked to episodes in my own life. i started watching the show during the summer before the second season. the first episode i ever saw was celestial navigation. i missed the first hour of the brilliant season premiere (in the shadow of two gunmen), and came home waiting for the second hour to finish, so i could watch the tape from beginning to end. that was my first year in university, and i never missed a night. often, my family would watch with me.

between the second and third seasons, along with the tragedy of 9/11, my family imploded. i remember watching isaac and ishmael at the mcarthurs', shortly after we had moved in. having people over to our apartment to watch the women of qumar. calling ildiko and screaming in her ear after commencement.

between the fourth and fifth seasons, i moved to alberta. while sleeping on the couch in front of angie's computer, i dreamt about zoey bartlet's abduction. i stopped watching on a regular basis after aaron sorkin and thomas schlamme left the show, but read about it once in a while. finally, in 2007, i bought all seven seasons on dvd. i'm often in the process of rewatching them in order.

the last episode i watched with my family was two cathedrals. i don't remember who else was there, but i know dad was. it's a very emotional episode: in the wake of a devestating personal loss, president bartlet reveals to the world that he has had an undisclosed disease for eight years. in the mix, he ponders re-election and questions his faith.

two scenes especially stand out: first, bartlet standing in the midst of national cathedral, cursing God in latin. second, bartlet making his way from the white house, post-revelation, to the press conference. dire straits plays "brothers in arms" in the background, and the faces of the staffers remind us how much is riding on the question he will undoubtedly be asked by reporters: will you be seeking a second term?

my dad and i debated the pseudo-cliffhanger in may. by the time it was resolved in late september, we were no longer watching together.

the reasons why my family imploded weren't simple. and the last eight years have been a long process of healing without talking about it. at first, some of the reasons just weren't a point of friction anymore. then, surprisingly, some of the reasons simply ceased to exist.

we were actually talking about that on the way home from dinner last night. just me and dad. i said, "i'm not sure how it happened, and i didn't plan on it happening." we pulled into the driveway and he elbowed me playfully. "well, i'm glad it did."

i don't know if i'm glad it happened. i don't really know what's happening at all. but as we watched "the west wing" later that night - the few episodes i'd brought with me simply because they were next - i was consumed by the irony of watching bartlet curse in latin and listening to dire straits... with my dad. again.

these mist covered mountains
are a home now for me
but my home is the lowlands
and always will be
some day you'll return to
your valleys and your farms
and you'll no longer burn
to be brothers in arms
~ dire straits

p.s. i gave dad that irony shirt a while ago... he has iron issues.