here's a quick summary:
platonic friendship is amazing. it says, "my agenda, if i have one at all, is to know you, not to get something from you." that's a huge compliment, i figure. not to mention that it's a great opportunity to have meaningful exchanges about all sorts of subjects, without the distraction of DTR. yeah, it's great. except it blows.
i mean, there comes a point - there must be a critical mass that tips the scales - where i start to wonder why it's always platonic. i have developed the following theory: i'm wonderful - a loyal friend, a good conversationalist, pensive, intelligent, genuinely seeking after God, occasionally funny, unsentimentally compassionate, playful, analytical, fairly laid-back, strong-willed but flexible, understanding but not compromising, cute as a button on alternate tuesdays, etc - but i'm not beautiful.
you know what's funny about that? anyone who says "oh, mara, yes you are!", however sincere, doesn't understand what i mean. i don't mean that i'm ugly, or that i have nothing to offer, or whatever. i mean that men are attracted to me (to the friendship i offer, the conversation i provide, my company, my advice, whatever) only to a point. like, consistently. i have little doubt that i'm wonderful. but it'll take one special guy choosing me as i choose him to convince me that i'm beautiful.
and it's not Jesus.
here's why: i'm not talking about my self-worth. this isn't, like, fundamental to my existence - i need God for *that*. but i believe - and reading "wild at heart" is definitely confirming - that there are needs in me that people are meant to fulfill. so, forgive me for saying this, but maybe God is enough in the ultimate sense: He provides everything we need. that doesn't mean that His presence is all we need. does it?
(wow, this is super personal. eek.)
3 comments:
I think your beautiful, but you'd never have me. You only use me for my sweet shoulder and comforting yet stupid words of encouragement
I see you only as beautiful. I miss you terribly. I love you. I miss talking to you. You're a really good friend. You helped me find Jesus. I don't know where I would be if God hadn't made us friends. You were the first person who talked to me at church. I cherish our friendship. I hope we're always friends. I hope you know that I'm always here to listen. I've learned so much from you.
you are one of the only people i know who would declare to the whole wide internet that you are wonderful. and without any shame, at that.
you were always fearless like that.
and i concur. you are a very loyal friend.
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