blargh

i think i've hit the ceiling on being infuriated. it's not that there's no longer any cause for infuriation - if that is, in fact, a word. neither am i indifferent to these infuriating things. it's only that i'm tired of being infuriated. it's exhausting work and, no matter how hard i try to remedy the stimuli, there's always something right around the corner waiting to pounce.

let's get specific.

i watched "the magdalene sisters" with my mom last night. corina and dad saw "seabiscuit" . . . making the need for my infuriation less acute. but, nonetheless . . . the movie is a true-to-life account of the experiences of "loose women" who were sent to magdalene asylums across britain and ireland. the last such asylum closed in 1996.

for those not sharp on math, that's SEVEN years ago. !!!!!

anyway, the philosophy is that these women of the flesh (some of whom are there because they flirted, some because they got pregnant, and some because they had the audacity to get raped) must, like mary magdalene before them, reform by repenting, removing all pleasure from their lives, and leading an existence best described as eternal penance. in exchange they'll find salvation and earn a place in heaven where, presumably, they won't spend every day doing laundry.

no matter how loud i yell i at the movie screen, no matter how clearly i explain the truth to my mother . . . i can't undo what the damage these asylums have done. and it's not just about the torture it put innocent women through. it's about a brand of grace-cheapening that is beyond disgusting.

my Jesus didn't die on the cross so that i could carry around guilt and try to work off my sin by living a life of horror. He didn't rise from the dead so that i would live a life of defeat. and i don't know *what* gospel these insane nuns were reading, but mary magdalene was granted grace by Jesus Himself. period. "let him who has no sin cast the first stone" . . . does this ring a bell for anyone?

i can't be angry with the movies that depict this crap. i mean, the filmmakers don't agree with it either, they're only testifying to its occurrence. and that's what i really object to . . . not the depiction of the truth, but this particular truth.

even i am getting tired of saying things like, "yes, i know the church did that in the name of God, but it isn't at all consistent with what the bible says, the character of God, the teachings of Christ, the meaning of grace . . . ." yeah, it's all true. but blah blah blah.

maybe i'm a little bitter at the legacy i carry around. i'm sure it's even harder if you're a catholic right now. but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!